I am a 45 year old male. I have been married to a verbally…

Hello my name is ***** ***** you for bringing your concerns to Just Answer...with regards ***** ***** most difficult and stressful marriage partner...not an easy road to be going down by any means to say the very least..and I truly feel for you....
Though, one way to deal with a controlling spouse is to find out the reason why she is exerting this control. It may be due to the parental examples she was shown as a child. If one parent was seen to be more dominant than the other, this model may have become ingrained in her as a child..and she sees nothing wrong with it... Now as an adult, she may be unconsciously mimicking this type of control/behaviour.
Sadly, verbal abuse is difficult to identify and regrettably can be a common type of abuse in some marriages. Not all words that are meant to hurt are "ugly words." A master at verbal abuse can damage your self-esteem while, at the same time, appear to care deeply for you. The use of words to punish is a very covert attempt to control and regardless of how loving your spouse may appear to be, verbal abuse is wrong and can be just has harmful as physical abuse.

If your wife, continues to verbally abuse you and dismisses your feelings, you will begin to see yourself and your needs as unimportant, of little consequence and irrelevant. When you finally recognize and come to terms with the idea that you are being verbally abused you need to also become focused on getting help.So here are some steps you can take if faced with verbal abuse:

Abuse is never justified so, you should never feel that it is your fault.

Let your wife know how hurtful her words are and discuss with her ( if at all possible) the fact that it is unacceptable to you. Set boundaries on what you will and will not accept from her..regardless ..its for your own sanity.

Surround yourself with a support system of family and friends. Talk as much as you can with what is happening and how you are feeling.

If the verbal abuse escalates to physical abuse, leave. Your personal safety is far more important than the relationship.

Do not engage in conflict with your wife. If she becomes angry stay calm, walk away and don’t give her what they want…a reaction from you.

Take back your power. If you react to her, you are rewarding her by letting her know she has power over your emotions. Don’t allow her to have control over how you feel.

Action cures fear. The fear of something usually is there only until you begin to do something about it. When you take the first step to cure a problem the fear usually begins to dissipate. This is true of diving off a high diving board, public speaking, and telling your controlling spouse, "No". Don't dwell too long on what you want to do, just do it. Like the bully syndrome, people only bully when you don't stand up for yourself. If you show that you will not be bullied, they will back down.

Sit up and speak up. It's very interesting to realize that our inner feelings are directly effected by our physical actions. When we act like we have self confidence, the self confidence follows. When we act like a pushover, we are pushed over.

Leave the marriage. If setting boundaries, and refusing to respond to the abuse doesn’t work, then it is time to consider divorce. There are times when the best thing you can do for yourself ( and your children if there are any involved) is, break all ties with her. If you do make this decision hire an attorney familiar with domestic violence,and stay in close contact with your support system and focusing on using good coping skills..outlined above...

I do hope this has helped you then if it has please ;accept' my response as it also helps us greatly to keep this valauble service going for you and others in the future...please...take good care of 'self'' you are worth it!!somewhat not a very pleasant scenario to be in ..and please know that my thoughts are' with you...
Best wishes
Karyn