Within the last year,my daughter and her husband are going…

Question

Answer 1

Answered in 7 minutes by:

11/23/2010

Mental Health Professional: Bill, LCSW, Consultant, Expert Witness replied 12 years ago

Bill, LCSW, Consultant, Expert Witness

Category: Mental Health

Satisfied Customers: 3,707

Experience: 35 years treating individuals, couples, families with mental health and substance abuse prob's

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Bill :

Hello- I am sorry to hear about this problem with your grand daughter. This is a common issue when parents are separated because at age 9 children are not able to talk about the internal discord and the thus, act it out. Bedtime is one of the most common trouble times because children rely on rituals and if Dad was part of the bedtime ritual and is now absent, the emotional issues come to the surface. Does that make sense?

Customer:

Yes,

Bill :

Does your grand daughter talk about the separation?

Bill :

Does she understand and is she encouraged to talk about feelings?

Customer:

Yes, her husband was always a good father, but not a good husband. When she filed for divorce, he told the children that she wanted to break up their home and was the reason they were not together. They are going to counseling but this issue with her daughhter has just begun recently.

Customer:

Not sure she has talked about her feelings.

Bill :

I see, counseling will help but what will me most helpful is if the parents agree to consistant day and time when your grand daughter knows she will be seeing/staying with Dad.

Bill :

I have parents and child fill out a calendar (let the child do it) and mark the days when she is with mom and will be with Dad. That way, she has a concrete reminder of the days she will be with mom and dad...this helps immensely.

Bill :

If she gets sad, Mom refers to the calendar and reminds child that she will see Dad .....Fri etc.

Customer:

They have joint custody. One week with Mom and one week with dad.

Bill :

Thats okay.......have her do the calendar anyway and have mom and dad talk to her about it together or with the counselor. It is critical that mom and dad are on the same page.

Bill :

Easier said than done, I know

Bill :

This link is a good resource for everyone.

Bill :

http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/childrenanddivorce/p/divorcetalk.htm

Customer:

what does my daughter do when the loud crying and screaming occur?She lives in an apartment and these noises carry.This is why she has left and gone to her previous home . Does she give in or remain strong Is this a battle of the wills?

Bill :

This is something that she will get better with time. It is very important for them to talk about this before bedtime and start and develop some new bedtime rituals that are valued by each.

Customer:

Are you still there or is someone else coming on?

Bill :

The above link has some helpful tips on these issues

Customer:

good I will refer my daughter to this link.

Bill :

ok, have a great day. All my best.

Bill :

Please Click accept

Answer 2

Mental Health Professional: Bill, LCSW, Consultant, Expert Witness replied 12 years ago

Always remember
"when kids are involved, there is no such thing as divorce"
-Dr. Carl Whitaker, Child Psychiatrist

Within the last year,my daughter and her husband are going…

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