Seeking expert counseling is a sign of strength. A personal relationship with a caring professional is proven clinically effective.
ADHD is basically a medical disorder, not linked to parenting, but rather to development of the brain.
Piaget's stages of development are based on development of the brain which are manifest in increased ability to use logic and understand the relationship between abstract concepts.
In the formal operations state, a child is supposed to develop proportional reasoning, to be able to think about the unseen, to understand that there is a range of possibilities and not just one possibility (including justice, self-concept, moral dilemmas, and future aspirations), and develop logical thinking and use of scientific concepts.
If the brain has not properly develped according to the normal path, then these abilities of the formal operation stage of Piaget's stages, will not take hold.
A lack of understanding of these concepts will leave the child more open to the whims of what is passing in his environment, because the cognitive understanding will not be functioning. This is one of the main characteristics of ADHD. This inability to focus on ideas in an expected manner can lead to more than wandering attention; it can generate anger through frustration, it can be manifested in a lack of understanding of the rules (interrupting, talking, and other behavioral outbursts, and a wandering mind because of boredom with concepts that are not fully grasped.
I hope that this opens up some areas of thought for you that will help you to expand your ideas, if need be.
Elliott Sewell, LPCC, NCC