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Yes. One couple almost divorced because it was so enmeshed, etc. Another complains but complies. Others happily serve and are favored for it. One sibling used to have major panic attacks. Now that she married her spouse seems to have issues with the grandparents as well. (limiting sugar intake for baby, same stuff, etc.)
I think the situation may be progressingand I just don't know what to expect. My mother passed this last April. The first thing she said to me was that she was glad I was able to see my mother at Easter. We had gone back to our hometowns to get an extended family photon taken with and for them and their 50th Anniversary(planned by codependant siblings)and spent some of Saturday with them including dinner out. Sunday, we visited my mom. However, the fact that we didn't spend both days there has always been viewed as a rejection to them. I believe she said what she said at my mother's funeral with double meaning and also meant that we do not value "family" as much as we should etc. I think she lacks empathy and has zero qualms about using anyone or anything to her advantage. I know we are not going back for Thanksgiving but we usually visit around Christmas sometime and this year, I am not sure I feel like going the extra mile, no pun intended. There have been countless attacks over the years that I have just tried to ignore. As a Christian, I have tried to deal with it in a dignified manner. However, it has started to affect my self esteem and with the loss of my mother, I am not sure I want to extend myself that way this year. But, it may fan the flame if we don't show at all. What do you think? Maybe we should let it come to a head. If it doesit may mean estrangement or further hurt on boht sides. If we don't it will just be a low level misery. Which do you think is preferable?