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Mina, Clinical Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 188
Experience:  Working as a Highly Specialist Clinical Psychologist in NHS. Experience in both children and adults
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I dont know if you are an expert regarding Bordeline

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For Mina, I dont know if you are an expert regarding Bordeline personalities, but I am very concerned why I feel insane. I have had an issue with a bpd gf whom I have tried to stay away from because of the confusion. In one sense she is great company and my conscience is holdng me back from leaving her. Yet, when I am with her I cannot find a way to say no to anything without her crying or sulking. At one stage I got furious at her for carrying on about how I raised an eyebrow at Wonder Woman on a float at Movie World. Her personalites are the smiley 10 year old who needs to be treated with kid gloves, and the smart city woman who seems unfortunately intolerant to many things. So my time with her is all about me spending money on large meals, movies, and mucking around like its a honey mooon but I cant find it in me to tell her I dont love her. I just waited until I had to go back to NZ for a meetings. I dont know if I love her or not. That is the hardest thing. However, back in NZ I feel insane and sickly. Some times with her I remember feeling spiritually sick. All my insides were unsettled. Yet, most of the time I was okay and its clear she is over the moon about me, and is perhaps obsessed with me judging by all the pictures she has of me that I dont have of her. does this picture make sense to you. I just want some sense to help me ovrecome this pain. I have had heaps of advice to stay away, and like an addiction, I only lasted so long. How can pain like this appear from such a cute package? By the end of two weeks with her I could not say to her I love even when she was constanly saying it to me, kissing me and touching me every spare moment. It was irritating as hell. What do you reckon Mina? cheers.

Hello and thank you for contacting me.

Your girlfriend appears to be quite manipulative, a common trait of a bpd. She seems to have put her hooks on you for good. This however only happens because for some reason you allow it to happen. You can not change her but you can explore, understand and ultimately change the way you respond to her. Before you can make any decisions you need to understand what is making you so vulnerable against her, almost dependent on her. Could it be certain experiences or relationships you had with your immediate family?Do you find common traits of your girlfriend's personality in your family members, possibly parents?There seems to be a need to for you to relate to this woman although you body and mind tells you strongly otherwise. Your mind tells you that her ways are not appropriate, are not normal and you feel co erced. However, when you are away, you feel strongly drawn back to her, like she is a magnet. This has nothing to do with her but with you. You need to explore your deeper needs that somehow are met through this girl. You are definitely getting something from her and you have not realize dit. However, whatever this may be, it is not healthy for you and you know it.

If you feel that you usually get involved with people with traits and personalities like hers, then this is a pattern and it definitely indicates certain difficulties that you may have. In this case, I would strongly recommend that you sought long term psychotherapy, psychodynamic or psychoanalytical psychotherapy, that would give you the chance to work on a deeper level, on a personality level, exploring early relationships and how these have affected you.

I am sure that you are aware that as other people may have told you that this relationships is no good for you. However, I don't think that this may tell you a lot as I am sure you have your own reasons for being with her, although you may not be realizing it.

Please feel free to share any thoughts on this.

All the best


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Customer: replied 6 years ago.

Thanks Mina.

Its been said that the reason I am drawn to this type of relationship is the complete lack of boundaries is so familiar ( mother ). And that it is typical of kids from narcissistic self- absorbed parants to find this better than nothing and clinger/needy type girl friend. It is really hard to let go, in that regard. She is immensly nice to me, but is also a burden I cant carry. I will have take this up in therapy somewhere because there is a pattern over my whole life about this. Okay, thanks again.


I am happy to be of help and thank you for your appreciation.
What you mention about the narcissistic parents can certainly have a base. However, this will not say much to you unless you work on this in therapy and explore the true meaning of it for you. You can certainly gain a lot from therapy by recognizing patterns and identifying your needs.

I wish you all the best in your efforts

Take care

Mina and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you