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Mina, Clinical Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 188
Experience:  Working as a Highly Specialist Clinical Psychologist in NHS. Experience in both children and adults
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My son and his wife have newborn twin boys 1 week old, they

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My son and his wife have newborn twin boys 1 week old, they already have a girl 4 yrs. old, and boy 8 yrs. old. They moved into a new home 2 years ago and allowed the oldest boy to pick out his room and decorate the way he wanted it. Now, the twins have arrived and they want the 8 yr.old to move in the basement while the twins take over his room. They have 3 bedrooms and 4 children...1 girl and 3 boys...newborn twins, and the 8 yr. old. All the bedrooms are at the oppisite end of the house from the location of the basement bedroom. The 8 yr. old doesn't want to move down there, but he said he has no choice, thats what his parents want. But he is my grandson and I love him so much and just want him to be happy about this move, and he is not. Please any advice you can give me on this matter will really help me out. By the way, I have mentioned to my son that I felt the 8 yr. old was to young to be down there by himself, but he shut me up before I could suggest sharing the room would be the best, ***** ***** blew up and said that they know what they are doing and it's going to happen no matter what. I hope you can see my concern is for the 8 yr. old and how he may recent the move and start acting out, not to mention that he might get scared during the night. Again, I look forward to your help with this matter. I don't know where else to turn to. Thanky you so very much. I just noticed the fee, I realize you deserve payment for the services, please keep in mind I live on S.S. Disability and funds are very short. I may give this report to the parents depending. Thanks Lana
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Mina replied 6 years ago.


I can definitely understand your concerns around this. The solution that has been suggested is not appropriate for an 8 year old boy, taking into account the location and the fact that it is a basement, secluded from the rest of the family. Taking him out of his room alone could give him the idea that he now comes second in his family' priorities. Giving him the basement as his room would give him the idea of being last in his parents' priorities and this could have serious effects on his self esteem and sense of identity feeling not being equal with the rest of the family. This can trigger siblings rivalry and create bad relationships between him and the newborn but also the rest of children who remain undisturbed.

I would definitely encourage you to talk to the parents and discuss other solutions for him. He cannot be allowed to feel secluded from the family. I do understand that the space is limited, but this should really had to be thought through before they decided to have other children. Practically this could be solved by perhaps allowing the 8 yr old boy to share a room with his sister so they both feel equally affected. The fact that the room may be too small has far less importance than him being on his own almost isolated. They could have bank beds to save space and redecorate the room in order for them to feel that this is a positive change for them too. Please feel free to share this post with the parents if you feel that this may be helpful. I can understand their pressure and I am sure that the thought has crossed their minds that this option is not suitable for their son. They may feel already guilty about this and this could explain their rather abrupt attitude towards you. However, even if they chose to ignore this now and proceed with their plans, it is most likely that they will have more problems in their hands to resolve later as the 8yr old may start displaying intense anxiety, fears and low self esteem.

Hope this helps and that your efforts have some effect.

All the best


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