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Arundhati, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 259
Experience:  Licensed psychotherapist, Published Wellness Author
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My boyfriend of one year and a half gave me a compromise

Resolved Question:

My boyfriend of one year and a half gave me a compromise ring. We have been living appart he is nyc i am in florida. Last year he used to come once a month or twice a month. I have a son that does not like him he is 9yo and on new year 's eve my son bit him. Since then he has not returned to florida until oct for my bday we have been seen each other 3 to 4 months. I am upset because i can not go to mnyc unannounced and just on the weekends and he is upset because he wants to be in facebook as my fiance with pics of him and also his kids. Also he does not want me to go out. Please advise
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Arundhati replied 6 years ago.

Thank you for bringing your important questions to Just Answer.

It sounds like there are some inherent problems in the relationship with your fiance. Your son doesn't like him, you cannot visit him unannounced in NYC and he appears controlling in not wanting you to go out. Also, it appears that you have some reservations about openly accepting him as your fiance (and do not want to put up those pics on your Facebook page).

It also seems that there are some trust issues going on, so that you feel the need to hire a detective to track him.

At this point, I would recommend that you take a long and hard look at this relationship and whether it is what you want. If it is what you want, then you will need to do some serious talking with him and reach a consensus on certain key issues (like how often you would meet as a couple, why you can't visit nyc unannounced, how to deal with the issue of your child not liking him etc.) For this, some amount of effective assertive communication maybe required on your part and I would recommend that you visit a therapist, if you're not in therapy already to work on a plan of action for his and learn some of the communication and coping skills that will best serve you in dealing with this situation.

I hope this is helpful. Please let me know if you have additional questions or clarifications. And please click on the "Accept" button so that I can be credited for my time and service.

Warm regards,

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