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Dr. G.
Dr. G., Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1525
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist.
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I'm worried about our sex life. My boyfriend seems only half

Customer Question

I'm worried about our sex life. My boyfriend seems only half hearted about sex and doesn't get turned on unless I masturbate him - even then, it sometimes doesn't work. Also, he never goes down on me and mostly only touches my breasts and genitalia. I'm longing for the full sensuous experience, but he's just not into it.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. G. replied 6 years ago.
What have you told him and what has come about from those discussions?
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I've told him that I feel frustrated and that I can't be myself and that I feel undesired and tried to show him the things that I like - I think in a very understanding way. But he keeps going back to the default position of doing the minimum and not being very interested. It's now getting to the point where going to bed together is an anxious time for us both.
Expert:  Dr. G. replied 6 years ago.
Does he acknowledge there is a problem? Is he willing to help you out? What could be causing this? Depression? Cheating?
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Not really. He's not prepared to accept that the way he does things isn't working. He seems to think that all I think about is sex, but that's not true. I've tried to tell him that it's just another way of showing how much you like someone. I don't think he's depressed. He is very chilled and laid back and very introvert. The overall feeling I get is he's just not into it and it has very low priority. What worries me is his unwillingness to try new things, learn what pleases me. If I try to talk about anything about it he just clams up. I am at my whit's end. I think he's just a very unsensuous person. He told me yesterday that touch doesn't do anything for him. His only erogenous zones are his penis and anus, and even if I concentrate on those, it sometimes takes him ages to get turned on. I just miss his desire. He doesn't seem to have any.
Expert:  Dr. G. replied 6 years ago.
I am not sure how you can change his mind. If he doesn't want to please you emotionally and physically then maybe you just picked the wrong guy to be with. Tell him that if he can't fulfill your needs then you might have to find a guy that will.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I'm sorry, but your answer hasn't been helpful and I'm not prepared to pay for it.
Expert:  Dr. G. replied 6 years ago.
What else can I help you with? You can't change someone else.