Okay, I see. So what is going on is that you are developing obsessive compulsive type thoughts around this. And when your brain starts into this path, you do become kind of programmed in a sense. Do this when you start up with the thoughts. It's called a thought log:
1. what is the thought or feeling?
2. what triggered the thought or feeling?
3. what is the evidence to support the thought or feeling?
#3 is what is important because here you will see that there is no factual basis for the thoughts and fears, that they are NOT facts, only thoughts. That you don't need to believe them. Getting the thoughts onto paper also helps you to get them out of your mind and onto paper where you can organize and manage them better.
At this point, I would encourage you to seek a medication to help you with this. Something like as SSRI could really help with this. Zoloft for example is helpful in treating anxiety and ocd type thoughts and behaviors. It may be what you need to help you over the hump, so you can start to manage this more effectively. I cannot say that zoloft is the right medication for you, but to encourage you to see your doctor about being assessed for the proper medicaiton to help you with this. Please click ACCEPT if satisfied, Or ask for more info. Thank you!