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Dr. G.
Dr. G., Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1523
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist.
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My future wife's insecurity has escalated the closer we get

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My future wife's insecurity has escalated the closer we get to our wedding date. She has a hard time tolerating my ex-wife who did support her at one time and the oldest (17) of my 2 teen age daughters. she has a good relationship with my younger one who is 14. My older daughter does not have the enthusiam we wish she would have about our wedding.
What is your soon to be wife insecure about?
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
She is insecure about my daughter never accepting her and the fact that I still communicate with my ex-wife (who is engaged). I have told her that after years of arguing, that we have a civil relationship with dealing with the children and I have no deep heart feelings for her. she feels that she cannot meet the challenges in her life since she has been through so much. Her husband was killed in a car accident 5 years ago when her daughter was 4. He father, who she was very close to, died 2 years ago. Her anger and patience escalated since his death and I have supported her. She did go to a counselor, the same one i go to, and I'm not sure if she tries to use her advice. she admits that she "flies off the handle" fast and has become more needy to me especially after the death of her father. Her Christian faith has tapered and mine has always been strong. She feels like I did after my divorce to where experiencing hardship after hardship, that you should feel entitled to things going your way. I do validate her feelings and tell her how I feel when she says or does something that upsets me.
Well you seem to be taking the right approach to her. Her insecurities seem unfounded and unrealistic to think that the daughter will never accept her and that you should not have contact with your exwife. I guess the best you can do right now is to put the wedding on hold until she gets these things figured out. Hopefully she is using counseling as a way to resolve these issues.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
I will now drop a bomb with you. She was doing decent until recently and we are getting married this FRIDAY. She is nervous about how my daughter will be on our wedding day. I told her, and I think you may agree, to just be kind on the wedding day and be tolerant of her reactions. I really am committed to her and my daughter. I have been divorced for 10 years and have finally found someone who is really a good person, who has had some hardships in her young life, 39 years old. She knows that she is insecure and I try to help her. My daughter is an adolescent who is about to experience a big change in her life also. Since she is a senior in high school, I have agreed to have her stay with her mom and then it is off to college for her. Like I said earlier, my younger daughter is supportive and talks to her.
I think she needs to realize that this is a change for the children and not all children are as accepting of their parent's new love interest. The wedding day is about the two of you and so if there is any trouble then have your daughter leave. My guess is that there will be no trouble.
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