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Kristin, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 454
Experience:  Licensed Mental Health Counselor. 11+ years specialist in mental health. Expertise and insight!
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My husband and I have separated, we have 6 year old twins.

Resolved Question:

Good morning, my husband and I have separated, we have 6 year old twins. The reason for the separation is because I had an affair and am now with this man. The children have not seen him but have met him previously and unfortunately have seen us kiss. My husband talks about him a lot very negatively to the children. He says things like Pete wants to be your new daddy and how he is a liar and stupid. I would like to know how to reintroduce Pete to the kids in a positive way.
Many thanks
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kristin replied 6 years ago.

Hello and thank you for your question.

What your husband is doing to the children is highly inappropriate and serious. These children are already hurting and confused due to the separation. You need to address in a very serious way to your husband that he stop disparaging your new boyfriend to the children. To simply not mention him at all. Let him know that it's not for your interest but in the children's best interest. If it continues and is pervasive, it can actually be defined as mental abuse and you would need to get legal advice on having this behavior stopped. You can simply say to your kids that ?daddy may say hurtful things about Pete that are not true. And I don't want you to worry about any of that. Pete is a kind and nice man and we all have your best interest at heart. If you ever need to talk to me about anything, I am always here for both of you, to listen and answer anything you are wondering about." I would encourage you to hold off on the kids actually meeting Pete or spending time with him, as they simply need a neutral ground to stabilize after this separation. Introducing them to a third party and involving him would be very confusing to them. Again, let your husband know that you are serious and adamant that he stop this destructive behavior. And that if it continues, you will do what it takes to ensure the children will not be used to express his anger. Please click ACCEPT, or ask for more info. Thank you,

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