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Mina
Mina, Clinical Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 188
Experience:  Working as a Highly Specialist Clinical Psychologist in NHS. Experience in both children and adults
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I am unsure why I am so calm. I separated from my husband of

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I am unsure why I am so calm. I separated from my husband of 11years because he didn't seemto be able to face responsibilities. He didn't want to talk about things, would spend alot of time in his shed at night, would procrastinate and generally I felt that I was living alone with our 2 children. Now I am actually living alone I feel great and it is weird. I know that I have felt unhappy with the state of our relationship for a long time so have a already severed the emotinal tie. Am I being unfeeling? My husband moved out becauses I aksed him to because I felt that he wouldn't change because he was comfortable living together. My girls are good even though they know that Dad and I are not living together. What's going on because I am not sure of myself. I feel guilty for being so at peace.

Hello and thank you for contacting us.

 

I would definitely disagree with you on the "being unfeeling" bit. You do say that you feel great! If you analyzed this great feeling then maybe you would say that you like feeling free, not obligated to pretend while in a relationship and a lot more feelings that you would be in a position to know. Therefore, you do have feelings. Maybe you expected to feel sad for your loss and this big change in your life and the fact that you do not feel this way seems to worry you if you are "normal". Well, in some cases of divorce or separation people have already mourned their loss during the relationship and not after the break up. They have suffered rejection, being alone and at the same time making efforts to no avail so they have experienced significant disappointment for a long time. Having passed all the stages of "seperation" and its grief such as denial, anger, depression and acceptance while in the relationship, this often can lead to a conscious decision of what is best for the person and when this happens it is very normal to feel positive and happy about it. You may also be feeling that this is a new beginning for you and this makes you feel confident and positive about your future. In all cases, you should not feel guilty about your feelings as I am sure that you have made the best decision for yourself based on the circumstances and your beliefs.

 

I hope this helps. Please feel free to share any feedback on these thoughts.

 

All the best

 

Mina

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