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Mina, Clinical Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 188
Experience:  Working as a Highly Specialist Clinical Psychologist in NHS. Experience in both children and adults
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My husband has both alz and parkinsons. I have cared for him

Resolved Question:

My husband has both alz and parkinsons. I have cared for him in our home for many years and he has been in a nursing home for 2 months. I feel extremely guilty and go to see him everyday. He still knows me. What can I do to lessen my sadness and give up this feeling of guilt?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Mina replied 6 years ago.
Hello and thank you for contacting us.

I am sorry to hear about the difficult situation you are dealing with. I can only imagine the loss you must be feeling for your husband and the difficult life you have had in the last years.

I believe that your guilt feelings relate to the fact they he in not looked after at home any more. This decision and circumstances seem to be perceived by you as possibly lack of interest and care for him. However, you need to think about what led you and your family to make this decision. As I have worked with some patients with similar circumstances, I assume that your husband's difficulty to look after himself had huge implications on you as practically this can be extremely draining and physically tiring.

So I think that you you need to consider the help that you were able to offer him at home. Most likely he is receiving better care in the home where he has trained carers, younger and stronger. You can only offer him the emotional support by visiting him and sharing news about the family and keeping him company. Although this is painful, you need to consider the progressive nature of these disorders and understand that you could not possibly cope with helping him in a few months or a year's time. Therefore, you made the right decision as this would give him the chance to be familiar with the place.

These are always very very hard decisions and always elicit guilt feelings to family members as they interpret their decision as selfish. However, you need to reconsider your role and focus on what you can offer him such as the emotional support.

There are many people facing with the same concerns and it may benefit you if you looked to join a support group for family members of people with these conditions. You could also seek personal therapy or counseling as you could definitely benefit from exploring your loss and your feelings for this situation and your relationship.

I hope this helps

All the best

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