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Ask Lori Gephart Your Own Question
Lori Gephart
Lori Gephart, Licensed Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 259
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist and Hypnotherapist 20 years of experience helping clients of all ages.
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Hello, I have a wave of jealousy that I need to get under raps as soon as possible.

Resolved Question:

I have a wave of jealousy that I need to get under raps as soon as possible. To give you a background, I am a 48 year old divorced female who has been dating a 45-year-old boyfriend with a 14 year-old daughter. His married sister and her two sons live with him.

There is familily next door of a recently divorced (+1year) mother and her two daughters (1 high school senior and 1 elementary). The high school daughter wears the painted-on shorts which my boyfriend can't believe his neighbor lets her daughter wear. He will not allow his own daughter to wear them, has caught her walking home from high school from them, and has grounded her.

Yesterday (Friday, October 16th) he told me that his sister (who has a son on the team) was planning on going to the high school football game, that she heard the neighbor was going, invited her to go along with her, and he is going to tag along. I can't because I volunteer at church on Friday nights. I am confused and jealous.
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Lori Gephart replied 6 years ago.

Thank you for contacting JustAnswer.


I am sorry to hear about the problems you are experiencing. The first step to consider here is that you have a right to your feelings, whatever they are. Allowing yourself to feel your feelings without judging them will allow you to work through them much more quickly. You may start by writing him a letter (that you don't send) where you can write whatever you are feeling and be as angry and jealous as you want - and then shred it, do not send it to him or leave it laying around. The next step is to consider whether he has a pattern of acting in a way that is trustworthy or untrustworthy. Keep in mind that, in general, past behavior predicts future behavior, so his past actions should help you to determine whether you can trust him here. Additionally, it is important to talk about this in a calm way as high emotions will take this into an irrational conversation. A heart to heart talk about this concern could be very helpful. Jealousy often comes up when we are not feeling confident in ourselves. Is this perhaps a reminder to work on improving your self esteem and take good care of yourself through exercise, eating right, and getting support from friends and family. The more you recognize that you are worth wanting to be in a relationship with the less you might jump to conclusions that someone is looking elsewhere. Of course if you feel that you have evidence that he is being untrustworthy, then you need to remind yourself that you deserve someone who wants to be in a relationship with you. I hope this answer is helpful. Please let me know if I can clarify further.


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