Mental Health

Have Mental Health Questions? Ask a Psychiatrist Online

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

Mental Health

Yesterday my 8 yrs old son was caught having sex with a 9yrs

Customer Question
hi yesterday my 8 yrs old...
hi
yesterday my 8 yrs old son was caught having sex with a 9yrs old girl at the aftercare facility. I am hurt and confused. He is never exposed to such behaviour in our home which makes me wonder why he is doing it. especially because i had spoken to him about it before extensively with all the consequenses outlined to him. why is he not open to me ?
worried- anonymous
Submitted: 7 years ago.Category: Mental Health
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Answered in 5 minutes by:
10/12/2010
Mental Health Professional: Sarah, Psychologist replied 7 years ago
Sarah
Sarah, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 143
Experience: Chart'd Psych, 12 yrs exp. English prisons, Clinical Hypnotherapist, EMDR Therapist, BPS, HPC reg'd.
Verified
Sarah : Hi there,
Sarah : There is a chance that this expensive information that you have given your young son was a bit early for him, although I understand that the situation was put upon you by finding other children doing this kind of thing. There are several issues here I think - children want to be Ike their friends and to feel that they are doing the same things, whether it is playing with a certain toy or going to the same place. So your son, having been introduced to sexual behaviour, is probably trying to keep in with his peers.
Sarah : Alongside that, he has probably been told by yourself that this is something that older people, adults do - also a bit of a red rag to a bull - if we tell them something is out of bounds, then
Sarah : Children tend to want to try it out - it's in their nature.
Sarah : I understand that you have ot exposed your son to sexual behaviour at home, but how certain can you be that he hasnt been involved with other children at school encouraging him to do similar before now? I think this would be very important to know from a parental point of view.
Customer:

hi sarah

Sarah : Difficult for him to tell you, I guess, but important for him to be able to tell you.
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 7 years ago
hi i want to know how i deal with it though ? Do i punish him? how do i make sure it doesnt happen again in the future ?
Mental Health Professional: Sarah, Psychologist replied 7 years ago
Hello again, the first line above should read 'extensive' not expensive - sorry!
Another point I would make is what are the afterschool facility doing about this, because it is illegal behaviour that if they are not seen to be stopping, could be accused of allowing to happen. The teaches need to be fully aware of what is happening and fully knowledgeable about where the children are disappearing to.
So what can you do now about your son? It is important, very important, that he doesn't begin to associate sex with being disciplined, told off, doing wrong, etc. as this is likely to cause problems in later life when he has adult sexual relationship. But obviously he has to know that it is wrong for now, for young children, just as we might tell them about alcohol. It is something that they will encounter that they will be able to handle when they are older.
I think it is now very important for your child to learn that sex is something that should happen within loving relationships, so that it is put into context for him. Tell him that it is then called something different, making love, because it is best when it happens between two people who love each other. Tell him that you may have made a mistake by telling him much, too early and that you take the responsibility for doing that, and tell him you are sorry - then ask him to keep his responsibilities regarding this by not doing it anymore. This way, you may feel more of a team tackling it together rather than you against him.
There is also the important information that it is possible for a young girl of 9 to become pregnant, which would potentially be catastrophic for all involved. But in my opinion, your son shouldn't be burdened with this knowledge at age 8, as he is, or he was, a young boy. It kind of feels that some boundaries have been crossed that can never be redrawn. But that has to be accepted now in a positive light so you can move on. Have a look on Amazon or eBay for a book about teaching the birds and the bees to a boy of 8 and see what they recommend. Then try and tailor what you have told him to this information. This will give you guidance to tell him what it is important for him to be remembering at this time, and what it is OK for him to forget about til he is older.
I do hope this is helpful for you. Have another read through it and see what the different strands of thought are for you to take forward. There are lots of implications here, your son's wellbeing, the girl's wellbeing, the school's discipline, the legal responsibilities - you should be able to genuinely leave your children in their care with the knowledge that they will be safe. Each of these need to pull together to support each other through this, or the whole situation could become more out of control that it already is.
Well done for supporting your son, this cannot be easy for you. Does your son have his daddy around? If so, ask him to be involved too with this so your son has two people he can talk to, one of which is a male. If not, is there a male friend that your son could find it easy to talk to? A male role model is very important at this age. You also need support - search on line for children, sexual behaviour, support and see if there is a site that can help you. You won't be the only parent in this situation and you won't be the last. They mitt give you more tips on how to handle this and support for you too. Best Wishes, Sarah
Sarah
Sarah, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 143
Experience: Chart'd Psych, 12 yrs exp. English prisons, Clinical Hypnotherapist, EMDR Therapist, BPS, HPC reg'd.
Verified
Sarah and 87 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Ask your own question now
Mental Health Professional: Sarah, Psychologist replied 7 years ago
Try this site - it looks easy to read and perhaps very helpful with references and other sources.
http://www.childabusecouncil.on.ca/index.php/understanding-children’s-sexual-behaviour-healthy-or-harmful/
It is based in England so there may be cultural differences, but you can always look at other sites in your country too. Hope that helps? Sarah
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Ask Sarah Your Own Question
Sarah
Sarah
Sarah, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 143
143 Satisfied Customers
Experience: Chart'd Psych, 12 yrs exp. English prisons, Clinical Hypnotherapist, EMDR Therapist, BPS, HPC reg'd.

Sarah is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much

Corrie MollPretoria, South Africa

I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well!

ClaudiaAlbuquerque, NM

Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion.

KevinBeaverton, OR

Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
I feel better already! Thank you.

ElanorTracy, CA

Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem.

JulieLockesburg, AR

You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions.

John and StefanieTucson, AZ

I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!!

Janet VPhoenix, AZ

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

Dr. Keane

Dr. Keane

Therapist

1,379 satisfied customers

Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.

TherapistMarryAnn

TherapistMarryAnn

Therapist

4,021 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.

Dr. Olsen

Dr. Olsen

Psychologist

2,336 satisfied customers

PsyD Psychologist

Norman M.

Norman M.

Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA

2,246 satisfied customers

ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.

Dr. Michael

Dr. Michael

Psychologist

2,177 satisfied customers

Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.

Steven Olsen

Steven Olsen

Therapist

1,728 satisfied customers

More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education

Anna

Anna

Mental Health Professional

1,656 satisfied customers

Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.

< Previous | Next >

Related Mental Health Questions
My daughter is in a terrible state. She feels as if she is
My daughter is in a terrible state. She feels as if she is close to a breakdown as she cannot control her anxiety. I am with her now just chatting to keep her calm. She is very weepy and can't sleep b… read more
Therapist Leslie
Therapist Leslie
Masters, Professional Psychology
5 satisfied customers
I get so annoyed sometimes. I feel so much anger towards my
I get so annoyed sometimes. I feel so much anger towards my mom, everything she does. She treats people in a nice way and she's cold and distant when it comes to me. She's uninterested, I came home cr… read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
171 satisfied customers
Been to many doctors over the past year and everything comes
Been to many doctors over the past year and everything comes back normal. One said Its my anxiety causing all my physical symptoms. What are some physical symptoms of anxiety… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
768 satisfied customers
I just got back recently with my ex girlfriend... we been
I just got back recently with my ex girlfriend... we been back together for 2 weeks now and in the middle had one serious argument. After the argument i apologized cuz it was my misjudgement. She acce… read more
TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn
Therapist
Master's Degree
4,021 satisfied customers
My daughter is a sociopath. How to deal with her?
How to deal with a sociopath daughter? She is 24, lives at home. She constantly makes up these crazy lies, whether it is to her friends or her family. When we talk to her, she shows no emotion, never … read more
TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn
Therapist
Master's Degree
4,021 satisfied customers
I'm just going to get straight to the point I went to the
Hi I'm Kim and I'm just going to get straight to the point I went to the hospital mabey two weeks ago because I woke up one night feeling hot and my heart was racing and it's been going on for a while… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
768 satisfied customers
Ever since i was little i had ocd. It started with
Ever since i was little i had ocd . It started with conpulsive hand washing and thibga of the routine nature to obessive unwanted thoughts. I had thoughts of harming myself,others , being gay and over… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
768 satisfied customers
I just found out that my husband of 8 yrs has cheated on me
I just found out that my husband of 8 yrs has cheated on me multiple times and has come forward as a sex addict. For the sake of recovery, he has confessed all of his sexual relations. The worst of th… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
768 satisfied customers
I have a serious phobia of HIV and it has taken over my
I have a serious phobia of HIV and it has taken over my life, i have been suffering since the last 1 year and have tested myself many a times, this started because of a moderately unsafe behaviour but… read more
TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn
Therapist
Master's Degree
4,021 satisfied customers
I put in a question earlier and it was directed to a legal
I put in a question earlier and it was directed to a legal professsional but I would like to know from the mental health side if I am thinking correctly about getting my daughter therapy for all that … read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
795 satisfied customers
I am a psychiatric outpatient in new jersey, i am prescribed
i am a psychiatric outpatient in new jersey, i am prescribed medications, i don't recall the details of my treatment plan, with regards ***** ***** what is prescribed, and adjusting or discontinuing m… read more
LeahMSWuofm
LeahMSWuofm
Clinical Social Worker
Master\u0027s Degree
768 satisfied customers
I am looking for a new psychiatrist and any programs for my
I am looking for a new psychiatrist and any programs for my daughter. She is 23 and bipolar. … read more
llw26
llw26
Private Practice
Doctoral Degree
11 satisfied customers
I have sever PTSD and panic attacks. As of late they have
I have sever PTSD and panic attacks. As of late they have become debilitating. I'm having to skip work. Nightmares almost every night. … read more
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
JohnMichaels,MS,LPC
Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
171 satisfied customers
Is there a psychiatric diagnosis for someone, as an example
Is there a psychiatric diagnosis for someone, as an example a nurse, who fabricates and/or exaggerates situations or a patient's symptoms in order to gain attention for “handling” and/or “resolving” t… read more
TherapistMarryAnn
TherapistMarryAnn
Therapist
Master's Degree
4,021 satisfied customers
I have a question about derealization. story short i had
i have a question about derealization. Long story short i had anxiety for years/still do. I was prescribed some sort of benzo and took it as needed for some years. Sometimes i would take this daily fo… read more
Dr. Vikas
Dr. Vikas
Associate Professor
M.D (Psychiatry)
33 satisfied customers
I had been on Ativan for awhile because of severe anxiety.
I had been on Ativan for awhile because of severe anxiety. My psychiatrist recently switched me to klonopin to help with the weaning process. I still seem to have anxiety and nausea. Is this a common … read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
204 satisfied customers
My Dr. took me off xanax that I have been in for 15years,
My Dr. took me off xanax that I have been in for 15years, cold turkey, I can stand it. I also keep testing positive for meth. I am not on meth, I tried it years ago and my horrible anxiety will not to… read more
Linda D.
Linda D.
Master\u0027s Degree
795 satisfied customers
I suffer from OCD, anxiety and depression. My OCD manifests
Hello Everyone,I suffer from OCD, anxiety and depression. My OCD manifests itself in several ways: religious, bad thoughts, health anxiety, running over someone with my car...it's awful!For the past m… read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
204 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x