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Sarah
Sarah, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 143
Experience:  Chart'd Psych, 12 yrs exp. English prisons, Clinical Hypnotherapist, EMDR Therapist, BPS, HPC reg'd.
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My husband sells flat irons and if very good at it, which

Resolved Question:

My husband sells flat irons and if very good at it, which means he knows how to curl and flat iron women hair very well. he recently told me that he was offered a job to curl the hair of a bunch of young women at the beach for a photo shoot. I told him that I was not comfortable with this - is it unfair for me to feel this way?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Sarah replied 6 years ago.
Chat Conversation Started
Sarah : Hi,
Sarah : Aree you ready to chat?
Sarah : Are you there?
Sarah : I am wondering if you have thout specifically about which part of this you are uncomfortable with?
Sarah : Are you ready to chat? You don't pay for an answer unless you have found it valuable and wish to thank the expert for their time.
Sarah : Would you like to join in the chat?
Sarah : Hello, can you see my writing?
Sarah : I can't do this alone as I need information from you ....
Sarah : Do you have any reason to not trust your husband? Maybe you have been hurt in the pas at by someone who wasn't faithful?
Sarah : Perhaps your husband's request to work with these girls has triggered an insecurity within you? It is important not to let the past affect your current relationship - hello and welcome to the chat!
Sarah : as I was saying, if we let the past affect the current situation, then your husband may begin to feel blamed for something he didn't do.
Sarah : Does any of this sound relevant?
Customer:

I guess I am insecure about the situation. Ive had several bad relaionships before - always being lied to and cheated on.

Sarah : There we go - so of course you feel insecure and understandably so.
Sarah : The important thing here is to ensure that you don't let your past insecurities with these lying men affect your current relationship.
Sarah : Have you talked to your husband about your fears, so that he h a chance to reassure you?
Customer:

but Im not sure how to do that. I don't know what to do.

Sarah : can you see that if you tell your husband you are fearful of him doing this, then he might believe that you don't trust him?
Sarah : Which is not the case, the truth is that his request to spend time with these girls is triggering your fears from the past.
Customer:

he has reassured me, but it is not so much him Im worried about it is the environment.

Sarah : What is it about the einvronment specifically that you don't trust?
Customer:

a bunch of young girls all in their bikinis - im a little older than him

Sarah : Ok,
Sarah : So is there a little lack of self confidence in there?
Customer:

I guess

Sarah : I think many women would have concerns about our hubbies going to the beach to work with younger girls in bikinis for a photo shoot, so what you are feeling, I would guess would be pretty normal.
Sarah : But the imagination could run away a little - when he curls their hair, they may have clothes on over their swimwear.
Sarah : He will probably have loads of people round him, chatting and working, getting the lighting right,
Sarah : Etc. Etc.
Customer:

so what Im feeling is normal and Im not crazy for feeling this way

Sarah : I don't think so.
Customer:

well that's just it I don't even know who these people are nor does he and he is getting a ride there b/c he does not have a car

Sarah : Whether I would stop him from doing it would be different - I guess some would, some wouldn't.
Sarah : Does it bother you that he would need a lift?
Customer:

that is one of the things that bothering me

Customer:

the location is in a remote area and I guess what if something happens.

Customer:

maybe Im letting my imagination take over

Sarah : Are you thinking something sexual, or something dangerous? There will be lots of people there by the sounds of it.
Customer:

both

Sarah : OK, do you have any concrete reason to believe this? I guess that's the difference between reasonable expectation and letting your imagination go wild.
Customer:

no....but I've got to go, my husband wants me to get off and stop talking to you

Sarah : Ok, no worries, don't forget to press accept if that was useful.
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