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Dr. Michael
Dr. Michael, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2177
Experience:  Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
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My partner constantly wakes up at the same time each morning

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my partner constantly wakes up at the same time each morning with the same thoughts and fears that I have just got back into bed after shagging his best mate, in our house, on the sofa, in the other debroom, etc. this thought pattern has been continuous now for 2 years, (thats' when this all started) - is he psycotic - it has turned our relationship from a happy one to absolute hell, we are no longer able to speak to each other normally we constantly scream and shout about the same subject all the time. Previous to the 2 years we have never had any issue like this, I am now seriously thinking of ending this relationship as he is adamant his thoughts and smells are true !!!???
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Michael replied 7 years ago.
Hello. I believe I can be of help to you with this issue.

People often have dreams that represent fragments of worries they experience during a day, week, month, etc. The dream content also can include fragments of actual experiences we have in daily living e.g., real events, movies we see, advertisements, people we interact with, etc. For example, individuals living in Louisiana would not likely dream about going shopping on the streets of a city in Nepal. Most dreams seem real but upon examination, we see they make little sense and are illogical, or couldn't possibly occur.

The best hypothesis I have to offer is that not only is your boyfriend dreaming about your infidelity with his best friend, he likely has many more chronic feelings of insecurity and jealousy about his relationship with you during the course of a given week. He likely doesn't share these worries with you, but keeps them to himself.

Now, are you saying that your fighting and the contention in the relationship is focused primarily on this recurrent dream? Or is the dream simply one example of the growing rift in your relationship----that many other things are going wrong and the relationship is slowly falling apart? Go ahead and elaborate, if you would, please...............
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
To give you more information - our relastionship is 8 years old now, and never have we experienced these symptoms before - his friend lived with us for about 8 weeks in 2008 - I had never met him previous to this time - and according to my partner - his friend took advantage of me, as he is that type of guy - this obsession with my partner has now been going on for 2 years - he constantly wakes up with these obsessive dreams, accussing me of just having let "the man" out the house while he is sleeping !! he goes crazy shouting and performing, and the more I tell him he is wrong about the situation the less he listens and he is adamant it is happening, and while he is sleeping. During the day he is fine, but the tension starts to build just before going to bed - needless to say that we are not getting any sleep as he sometimes wakes up 3 or 4 times during the early hours of the morning. He is not one to share his emotions, but if he does not like something he elaborates !! Our weekends and evenings are needless to say just a nightmare ! we both have full time jobs, so his mind is occupied during the day with other issues, and he is very busy around the house with renovations at the moment, which should keep his mind occupied, but he becomes so predictable at night that I tend to rather stay quite and not speak. Our fighting is mostly about his continuous obsessive thought pattern, I am at wits end and have no idea how to handle the situation anylonger, its been two years now, I am so frustrated and angry that he leaves me no option, as he does not believe me, when I tell him its not true, but to consider walking away from this relationship now, as I am afraid that he may turn his anger toward me physically. As mentioned before we had 2 visits to a physcologist, which in the end he was not happy with as the physcologies refered us to a clinical phyciatrist, and when he heard that he was not prepared to go and be forced onto any medication to assist with this situation. My partners general health is good, although his cholesterol is high and smokes too much, when he was younger he did take drugs and smoke anything that was available - does this have anything to do with his condition now ?
Thank you.
Expert:  Dr. Michael replied 7 years ago.
This second post was very revealing so thanks for taking the time to write. Your friend could be suffering from something called Delusional Disorder, jealous subtype. Here is a link for you to read more about it:

Delusional disorder is caused by an as-yet unknown genetic or biological neurological predisposition. If the individual then experiences particular biological or situational stressors, the disorder will emerge. You speculation that his drug use might be indirectly related is quite plausible. We know for instance, that in people who are at risk for developing a mental disorders such as schizophrenia, that an extreme traumatic event or taking amphetamines can trigger their first episode.

There is some chance that if he visited the psychiatrist and agreed to take the medication prescribed, he would become calmer and his delusional thinking would moderate. Interestingly, something that might improve his demeanor and soften his delusions is if he quit smoking. Nicotine is a stimulant and aggravates delusional thinking in some people.

There is nothing you can do to persuade him that the beliefs he has about you and your mate are not true or irrational. He really needs to see the psychiatrist for the medication and he would do well to start visiting the psychologist again to help reduce his stress level and assist him with quitting smoking----if he is willing to do this in the interests of his health.

I think you are in a fairly bad living situation if you have to fear that if you threatened to leave, your partner might beat you up. That would be terrifically endearing behavior, eh?

I hope this addresses your question. Let me know if I have overlooked anything. It was good to see your follow up post because it set my thinking straight.
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Thank you for your reply, I also just wanted to add that we immigrated 2 years back as well from South Africa to Australia, and the change in home life, work life, social life has, I believe, also played a significant part - something in the back of my mind also, has been pestering me to get him to stop his smoking as I had an idea it would have some effect on his well being. I appreciate your advise and will try to speak to my partner and see how I go, I will use your comments to try and prove that it would be beneficial for him to see professional help. Thanking you.
Expert:  Dr. Michael replied 7 years ago.
Good, feel free to share this information with your partner. I do wish you the very best!
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