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I have been married for 20yrs. Recently my younger sister

Customer Question
accused my husband of touching...
I have been married for 20yrs. Recently my younger sister accused my husband of touching her she has accused another person before and lied. I am not sure what todo I found a few things that make this real. I have been having to lead 2 lifes one around my family and one with my husband. I have found this to difficult and I have found myself being a recluse and have now lost my job I'm over welmed with anger and betrail and I don't know who to believe she is a constant liar but he is acting strange. What do I do I want to just walk away from them all. Denise
Submitted: 7 years ago.Category: Mental Health
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Answered in 11 minutes by:
10/1/2010
Mental Health Professional: Dr. K, Psychiatrist replied 7 years ago
Dr. K
Dr. K, Psychiatrist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 358
Experience: 15 years clinical experience in all areas of psychiatry. Holistic and practical approach.
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This sounds overwhelming and serious, especially since it's to the point that you're isolating and have lost your job. One important thing is to not make any rash decisions.

I really think some consistent psychotherapy/counseling is the best idea. You need an objective professional to help you through this; this would be a chance to look at all these people in your life and weigh their strengths and weaknesses. What do they do for you? What are they doing that makes it hard for you?

You may find out that you do have to walk away from certain people. If your sister is a constant liar, it will be difficult to have a healthy relationship with her until she gets help of her own and learns to be more honest. Is she really young and vulnerable enough to be victimized by your husband? In what way is he acting strange? Has he been unfaithful before? What are his responses when you talk to him about this? If you can't resolve things with him just by talking it out, consider some couples counseling too.

I'm glad you've tried reading. Here are some other books that may be helpful: "Boundaries" and "Where to Draw the Line" by Anne Katherine. Please let me know if I can answer any other questions. Take care & good luck.

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Customer reply replied 7 years ago

My sister is 17 and has had behavioral problems for years she steals she lies and caused all kinds of issues within the family. I cant see her being a victim thats hard for me. This accusation was made when I took her cell phone away for abuse she was talking to older men and having to many adult conversations with lezbians. she doesn't know if she is gay is why she is doing this.

My husband has never cheated on me that I am aware of he values marriage and I know he loves me. I have asked him things and he was so hurt that she could even say this about him. my mother died and I was left to help raise them along with my dad I have 3 younger sisters there is one biological and 2 are adopted prior foster children.

My husband is different he says it is a direct reaction on how I am acting. I was raped as a teenager and that is making this harder for me. He is a good husband and I cant even imagine him ever doing anything like this. I have known him sinc we were 12 and been together since 14 married at 18.

It is the little voice that I keep hearing what if and she reaches out and no one believes her I feel guilty but don't really believe her either. My family can be around my husband but it has caused seperation problems. I just feel like I can't handle this anymore I just want to cut my biological family loose. I don't feel that house is healthy there is so much bull and alot of it surrounds her.

The one thing that got me upset is I found hidden porn that is not aimed at my taste. I knew they existed just suprised at where I found them that is bother some. I don't have children and havent wanted them because I knew I was not wanting the stress. I am not sure what todo.

I would like to get councling my husband will not do that he doesn't believe he is in need I think I do. I am trying to find low cost or free I do not have insurance coverage for this and now have lost my job. I am having trouble with normal functioning. I am not sure what to do.

Mental Health Professional: Dr. K, Psychiatrist replied 7 years ago

Remember, you don't pick your family. And the best thing you can do for the whole world is take care of yourself 1st...if these means cutting ties with toxic people, than that's what you have to do. I'm not saying it's ideal, but that's the way the world works.

Don't let anyone use guilt to manipulate you. It sounds like your husband is a solid man overall and you guys have a good relationship...I would believe him over a constant liar anyday.

Most communities have mental health treatment available for people with no money or insurance. Search for the local community mental health clinic. You can also check with the local department of health & welfare. If you can't find anything, many pastors, priests or ministers provide free pastoral therapy from churches.

What else can I answer for you?

Dr. K
Dr. K, Psychiatrist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 358
Experience: 15 years clinical experience in all areas of psychiatry. Holistic and practical approach.
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Customer reply replied 7 years ago
Thank you for your insite that is what I was thinking I need to do. I was worried I was not being a supportie and helpful sister.
Mental Health Professional: Dr. K, Psychiatrist replied 7 years ago
You're on the right track.
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Dr. K
Dr. K
Dr. K, Psychiatrist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 358
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