Hello. I believe I can be of help to you with this issue.
What a disaster of a mother this poor girl had! There are probably a million questions you need answer to so where to start? One of the difficulties is that your daughter truly NEEDS access to as many normal developmental situations as possible, e.g., gymnastics or dance. I can understand the keen reluctance of the coaches and teachers, but every day of her life, she needs to be exposed to situational challenges where she can learn appropriate social behavior, e.g., personal boundaries, etc. So for instance, in gymnastics, this girl could never be left alone with an instructor or coach but it might be possible (?) for her to receive group instruction, never individual instruction, without two instructors or a "chaperone" present. The most important learning experiences would be verbal corrections, instructions regarding appropriate behavior, and verbal reinforcement when she acts appropriately in a situation she had not,
Your psychologist has told you no doubt, that the self injurious behavior is primarily a maladaptive emotional regulation/coping strategy she uses, which is nearly 100% of the time associated with the experience of traumatic, inescapable aversive abuse situations. Intensive attempts will have to be made consistently to get this girl to talk about feelings, and especially about the bad feelings she has. (She should NEVER be told that she 'shouldn't feel that way', for example). Identifying, labeling and expressing negative feelings is a huge developmental issue for her.
I hope your psychologist is equipped with great training in applied behavior analysis
and behavior therapy skills because your daughter is truly a behavior management 'nightmare
'. If her current therapist is primarily forming a relationship her and doing play therapy, this is all well and good, but she needs much more than this. You need very regular consultation and ongoing coaching from someone really well-schooled in behavior analysis and behavior therapy. Your daughter's problems can't be tackled all at once, but they can be approached one-behavior-at-a-time, or else the intervention approach will become overwhelming for both you and her.
Your daughter also needs social skills training group therapy quite desperately. She cannot appropriately relate to girls and boys her age because her development has been highly sexualized and emotionally, she is likely very immature. She needs a very structured and systematic approach to learning social skills and social problem-solving----really, an overall "life skills" training approach for kids (as is found in many drug and alcohol prevention programs designed for children; but also found in clinics that treat kids).
I feel that I could go on for hours offering suggestions about what to do, but I will now pause and strongly recommend to you a child behavior analysis expert to work with. I'm sure you are aware that you daughter is at extremely high risk for many future problems e.g., substance abuse
, eating disorders, teen pregnancy, a tendency to gravitate to controlling, abusive males. So I feel I've scratched the surface here in providing a response. Let me know if there is something glaring I've overlooked that you hoped I would address.