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Bill, LCSW, Consultant, Expert Witness
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 3707
Experience:  35 years treating individuals, couples, families with mental health and substance abuse prob's
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I have been married for 25 years - very happily. My

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I have been married for 25 years - very happily. My husband's ex contacted him through face book. He me up with her in London. Changed towards me instantly - confessed to being in love with her. He immediately stopped seeing her and contacting her - he is totally emotionally unavailable to me. He says he still does not feel the love for me as he used to. He shows no physical affection to me except after a glass of wine or two. Then he tells me he loves me. Has no memory of it the next day however. He likes living at home and says he is not unhappy - but I'm unhappy. I am getting nothing from him at all. What do I do ? I am soooo desperate. I think of nothing else.
Thanks for asking the question here, Since you are offline, I will answer your question in this format.
In my nearly 30 years of experience, this is unfortunately, a common problem and the answer lies with you getting individual help to sort out what YOU need to do, because what you have written suggests that he is not likely to do much to change at this point.
The only person that you have control over is you and I suggest you seek counseling as soon as possible so that you can have some relief and support and helpful direction. This will ease your constant focus on the issue.
If you want something to read that will help get: "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie.......She has also written other books that you have find helpful. They are available in all bookstores or online at Amazon.Com. She also has a lot of helpful information that is online. Simply do a google search using her name.
Good Luck, this is not easy and it will take some time.
Feel free to ask me more if need be.
Best, Bill
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Hi Bill. He is returning from London on Sunday and I need to have a strategy. Do I tell him to leave as he is no longer in love with me or will this be detrimental to any hope of reconciliation? What/ if any boundaries do I put in place?
Hi- I would not be that rigid at this point as it will only invite a fight. I would tell him that you are seeking help to determine what your options are considering what he has told you. He will want to know what options those are however, you need not be specific. That is an appropriate boundary. Of course, the options are those that I mentioned above as well as legal issues that you may have to address.
If you set this boundary, it will put him in a different "orbit" in your relationship because you will be showing sign of strength and differentiating from him. My guess is that he feels like he can control you. Let that be history.
You will get much from reading all that you can from Melody Beattie. She is excellent. "The Language of Letting Go" is great!
Best, Bill
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