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Lori Gephart
Lori Gephart, Licensed Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 259
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist and Hypnotherapist 20 years of experience helping clients of all ages.
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i cant get over my 13 year relationship with a narcissist it

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i cant get over my 13 year relationship with a narcissist it feels like hole i think about him and his terrible coldness all the time i am obsessed i have lost everything home status i have no job and am staying in an attic a mouse ran up my arm the other night i am going out of my head i am totally obsessed with him and the thought of him with his new girlfriend he is a false controlling ill person i feel cheated and i am ill in my head. i need to get money urgently but i cant think straight he has stolen my soul
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Lori Gephart replied 6 years ago.

Thank you for contacting JustAnswer.


I am sorry to hear about the problems you are experiencing. It is extremely difficult to be in a relationship with someone who is narcissistic, particularly since they are generally emotionally abusive. Abusive relationships can be extremely difficult, particularly because things are never all bad or all good. They can often serve to diminish your self esteem, cause you to doubt yourself, isolate you and make you feel unable to take care of yourself. These relationships are typically about control. Your ex may have at times acted in ways that were not abusive, making it confusing for you and causing you to miss him at times. This sounds as if it was a very unhealthy relationship for you and that in the long run you will be better off without him. There is a process of grieving any relationship that ends, so be patient with yourself while you go through the grieving. You say that you have tried therapy. If this was not helpful, you may want to consider attempting therapy again; sometimes it takes finding the right fit with a therapist. Individual therapy is important in order to get some support for yourself, build up your self esteem, help you to set boundaries, and perhaps address any patterns of behavior that may have contributed to you accepting this treatment from someone in a relationship so that you do not repeat this pattern in new relationships. Remember that no one deserves to be abused.


In the meantime, be sure to take care of yourself through healthy eating, exercise, rest and reaching out to supportive people in your life. Focusing on yourself and your options can help you to develop a plan for moving on with your life and finding a job and a place to live that can make you feel happy and healthy. I hope this is helpful. Please let me know if I can clarify further.

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