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Lori Gephart
Lori Gephart, Licensed Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 259
Experience:  Licensed Psychologist and Hypnotherapist 20 years of experience helping clients of all ages.
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I have a steady girlfriend for the past 4 year plus.. We are

Resolved Question:

I have a steady girlfriend for the past 4 year plus.. We are talking about getting married and buying house.
But these events made me freak out and i'm really starting to doubt if she is the right one for me..
At the same time, i fell in love with a female colleague in office and the time we spent together really made me feel very comfortable. She made me doubt even more about my current relationship because i do not feel the same comfort that this female colleague of mine give men from my girlfriend..
I feel that i'm a bastard caught in between and i cannot be like this. I need to be fair to both of them because they are both very nice ladies. If i cannot love my girlfriend whole heartedly, should i give her up for my female colleague? So that i will not marry her just for the sake of getting married. This will be very unfair to her..
On the other hand, should i give up on my female colleague for my curent girlfriend although i feel alot for this female colleague of mine as well?
what should i do?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Lori Gephart replied 6 years ago.
Chat Conversation Started
Lori Gephart :

Hello, I'm happy to talk with you. I am working on your question now.

Lori Gephart :

Thank you for contacting JustAnswer.


I am sorry to hear about the problems you are experiencing in your relationships. Considering getting married to one woman when you are already cheating on her with another suggests very strongly that there is a problem with the relationship. Unless you are wanting to have a marriage filled with a series of affairs, I would encourage you to take the time to explore what is missing from your relationship with your girlfriend that would cause you to want to have another relationship even when you are talking about getting married and buying a house together. Affairs are generally ways to avoid feeling uncomfortable feelings. You may want to explore what this relationship with your colleague is helping you to avoid feeling in your relationship with your girlfriend.


Instead of comparing these relationships and choosing one or the other, you may want to step back from both in order for you to have the time to work through your feelings, perhaps meeting with a counselor for some help to sort things out.


Living a life of lies in a relationship can lead to guilt, shame, and an unhealthy relationship. Listen to your gut feelings here that are signaling you to examine these feelings that are coming up now. No one can make this decision for you, but it is important for you to slow down and think rationally about your choices here. I hope this answer is helpful. Please let me know if I can clarify further.

JACUSTOMER-jxqhu435- :

Gut feeling are hard to catch. How can i be sure that the feeling i have is my gut feeling?

JACUSTOMER-jxqhu435- :

And if i were to step back from both relationships, how long do i need to step back before making any decision?

JACUSTOMER-jxqhu435- :

hi. hv been waiting for a reply for quite some time.. when will the reply come?

Lori Gephart :

I wonder if you may have missed my reply which, due to a technical difficulty, was posted two minutes before your last post. Please let me know if I can clarify further.

JACUSTOMER-jxqhu435- :

i did not receive. do you mind if you send it to me again?

Expert:  Lori Gephart replied 6 years ago.

Thank you for your patience, it appears that my response wasn't visible to you due to technical difficulties so we'll try it in QA mode:



It appears that your reaching out to your female colleague may have come at the same time that you and your girlfriend started seriously talking about marriage and buying a house. Getting involved with your colleague may have been an acting out of your ambivalence about taking this step with your girlfriend (unless you have a pattern of having such additional relationships). There is no set time period of how long to take to sort out your feelings, however meeting with a psychologist may help to speed up the process of sorting out what your feelings are about your relationship and what this decision to become involved in another relationship after beginning to become more serious in your primary relationship may mean. You may be having some fears of commitment, etc. I hope this makes sense. Please let me know if I can clarify further.


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