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Dr. Olsen
Dr. Olsen, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2336
Experience:  PsyD Psychologist
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My husband goes through cycles of rage. uncontrollable

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My husband goes through cycles of rage. uncontrollable screaming, cussing, throwing things, slamming things, storming around, silent treatments. But yet he blames me for his anger. "you're doing this to yourself" he says. yet I have been very aware every time we head into one of these episodes and I refuse to yell or behave to him how he is to me. His triggers seem to be when he perceives I am challenging him or have a subtly differing opinion, perhaps suggesting a different way to approach something (like remodeling) He is also triggered if I have a feeling he does not like. I don't even have to say I feel disappointment he just sees it on my face and reacts with rage. This will go on for 3 days or so, then without apologizing he starts acting like everything is wonderful... tying my shoe for me, bringing me coffee, hugging me. Is this possibly narcissism? NPD? Narcissistic rage?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 6 years ago.
Hello. Welcome to JustAnswer. I am sorry to hear your situation. Let me ask you a few questions before I offer an answer. When did his behavior start? How often does he loses temper like this?
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
We got married back in Feb and it started the end of may. Although when we were dating there were a couple of these episodes but he promised they'd never happen again. They did stop but started again with a vengeance back in May. There also seems to be some lying and deceit to "help" his point along. I don't verbally corner him. The really bad episodes happen every 3-5 weeks i think and then little things in between that I really try to keep from escalating. Also he is a police officer (for 12 years) and I am sure he has perhaps a degree of PTSD, but this seems to be beyond PTSD behavior.
Expert:  Dr. Olsen replied 6 years ago.
Hi there- It sounds like your husband may have depression, anger problems, and/or PTSD. His behavior does not completely fit NPD based on the info but may indicate NPD features. NPD is characterized by grandiose sense of self-importance, preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, beauty, love; believed he is unique; requires excessive admiration; sense of entitlement, interpersonally exploitative; lacks empathy- he has to have at least five features from them. You may also ask him if he experienced any trauma through his work or life in the past and if he still suffers from anxiety, flashbulb memory, and nightmares at times. Depending on your observation and his answer, he may need counseling for any or more of these problems. If untreated, you may suffer and your marriage will be at stake sooner or later. Please let me know if I have overlooked any or you have more questions.
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