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Selah R, M.S. LPC
Selah R, M.S. LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 582
Experience:  Licensed Professional Counselor; over 13+ yrs exp working with adults, teens, & families/couples.
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My girlfriend and i have been going out for 17 months. My

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My girlfriend and i have been going out for 17 months. My wife and I have been going through a divorce for 20 months. I still live in the house with my wife and adult children 2 are away from home at college and 1 is part-time community college. My gf and I have been disagreeing alot lately with my child rearing ways and my divorce. 6months ago she caught me looking at porn ----whenever we argue I try and contact old people to go out with that I met on the internet. Is this normal behavior for a 52 year old chiropractor. My gf usually flips out with the porn and when she finds out that I am emailing old flames. Does she have a right to be angry? At no point have we broken up---is flirting with people on Facebook considered cheating?
Submitted: 6 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Kristin replied 6 years ago.
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Hello and thank you for your question.

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I can help you in real time chat if you are here now.

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Relist: Incomplete answer.
she wanted to chat online about question
Expert:  Kristin replied 6 years ago.
I only wanted to chat online if you wanted to.... My complete answer is posted above. Thank you...
Customer: replied 6 years ago.

i do not see it

please do not answer me again

thank you

Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Relist: Incomplete answer.
expert wanted to chat
then she said response was posted
i see no post
want another expert
Expert:  Selah R, M.S. LPC replied 6 years ago.
Thank you for trusting JustAnswer with your important question.

You and your girlfriend might benefit from some couples' counseling. Her increased criticism may be fear that your relationship might develop the same problems that caused your marriage to fail. Couples' counseling can help address these issues and give you both space to honestly communicate to each other, and individually with a counselor, your concerns and needs.

I do think that your pattern of flirting or communicating with old flames when you have a relationship issue develop is a form of emotional infidelity. When you should be working through your issues and communicating with your partner, you're emotionally leaving the relationship to get your emotional needs met elsewhere. This pattern can also be sending her the signal that this relationship isn't important to you and that you're not completely in it if you keep opening up these other exit doors.

Pornography use is a growing concern in our society, and in the counseling world. A counselor can best help you evaluate if your frequency of use, type of use, or reasons for using pornography are still within normal range, or whether there is reason to be concerned. You and your girlfriend may need to talk about what the two of you consider to be normal concerning pornography, and work together to set up agreed upon expectations or limits. The risks of pornography is sexual addiction, using pornography/masturbation to self-medicate psychological issues, and the unrealistic expectations it can place in a relationship concerning normal/expected sexual activity/frequency/styles. You also need to see if you're using pornography as another way of getting your needs met when you're emotionally pulling away from your girlfriend, as this is another red flag for her that you're not completely in the relationship anymore.

Sincerely,
Selah
Selah R, M.S. LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 582
Experience: Licensed Professional Counselor; over 13+ yrs exp working with adults, teens, & families/couples.
Selah R, M.S. LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
Relist: Incomplete answer.
Expert:  Selah R, M.S. LPC replied 6 years ago.
What area do you want more information about? I'd love to be able to clarify or address anything I missed.

Selah
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
i pushed the accept button don't understand it also gave me a text at 11:10 p.m.
Customer: replied 6 years ago.
sorry my gf sent this, to be cleAR ON THIS SUBJECT, IVE ONLY ONCE TRIED TO CONTACT ANYONE, AND THAT WAS AFTER SHE TOLD ME WE SHOULD GO OUR SPEREATE WAYS.. IVE NOT LOOKED AT PORN FOR OVER 6 MONTHS WHEN SHE TOLD ME HOW IT OFFENDED HER.
Expert:  Selah R, M.S. LPC replied 6 years ago.
Then it sounds like you have done the right thing in this relationship by figuring out what you two expect from each other, which is more important than figuring out what is "normal."

Best wishes,
Selah