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Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1379
Experience:  Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.
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My 34 yr old daughter has 2 kids and cant seem to make it on

Customer Question

my 34 yr old daughter has 2 kids and cant seem to make it on her own she claims she has bipolar and adhd and she cant hold on to a job meanwhile she is draining me fianancially because i feel bad for the kids and i really dont want them living with me help im losing my mind!
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Michael replied 7 years ago.
Hello. I believe I can be of help to you with this issue.

How old are the two kids?

You may want to tell your daughter the following: 1) you can no longer assume financial responsibility for her and her children; 2) she absolutely must be carefully evaluated for her emotional and behavior problems and try to obtain therapy; this may be possible if she is on welfare of medicaid assistance; 3) since she seems unable to hold a job and care for her children, she may need to consider placing them in foster care for a time, until she is rehabilitated enough to take full responsibility for work and some childcare herself. Now, you may absolutely cringe at this last item and in actuality you would not really follow through with this, but you may need to extend this as a threat to her----a signal that you are absolutely serious in your message to her that you simply cannot take her on as a 100% dependent, plus her kids. The threat may get her moving. You can also tell her that once she is in treatment, she needs to start making some vocational plans with the regional office of vocational rehabilitation, which can offer her some job training, money for textbooks, job coaching, etc., to get her back working at an effective job. THEN you can tell her that once it is clear she is doing these things, you may be in a position to assist her with some periodic child care/babysitting so she can get back on her feet financially; but you cannot do this if you foresee that she will never be working to improve her own situation; tell her that you want to hold this out as an incentive for her to get serious about getting some help and rehabilitation.

I'm going to pause here and give you a chance to react to what I've said. I realize I am assuming a great deal here in drafting this initial answer to you.