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Ask Carol Kryder LMFT Your Own Question
Carol Kryder LMFT
Carol Kryder LMFT, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 808
Experience:  APA Board Certified, Diplomate,Substance Abuse Professional, 20 years family therapy experience
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My fiancee hit my leg hard while storming away after an

Customer Question

My fiancee hit my leg hard while storming away after an arguement. He says it was an accident. But he has a violent temper. He screams at me in my own car while driving it. And he throws violent outbursts in public when he doesn't get his way. It is not a pleasant experience. Also, he drives my three cars -- and doesn't own his own -- and sees no need to spend his hard earned money to buy one. He says he is saving his money. It is very upsetting to find out these things so late in the relationship. I am thinking about taking a break from this relationship I am so hurt especially after he hit me. What do you think?
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Carol Kryder LMFT replied 7 years ago.
Hello and Welcome to JustAnswer. Your question is not closed until you are satisfied. I am happy to assist you with your question.

Let's see. He has a violent temper, screams at you in your car, has violent outbursts in public, and would rather use your car than buy his own. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt about hitting your leg.

I think you need to trust your instincts. This man has issues and you would do well to take a step back and think long and hard before you agree to spend the rest of your life with him. Please do so. You will not regret it.

Let me know if you have further questions about this.

I wish you the very best.
Carol Kryder LMFT and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
What kind of issues do you think he may have?
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
I apprciate your quick response. Just curious.. what kind of issues do you think he may have? My family thinks he is a leach and too controlling. We have most of our fights about my property -- like house--cars--money. These are not his material possessions. Also, I come from a really wealthy family. He told me that he expects to have a say about the money my parents may give me or leave me... That is upsetting to me..
Expert:  Carol Kryder LMFT replied 7 years ago.
Hello again:

He certainly has control issues, and the anger is especially troubling. He is clearly planning to use your money and not his own, witnessed by his possessiveness of your cars, and now any money that is left to you. Please tread carefully here. This water may run very deeply indeed. I am guessing he may have a personality disorder.
Carol Kryder LMFT and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Now this sounds scary -- yeah -- well the money issue is pretty sad. Do you think I should get him to move out when his son leaves on Monday? Take a break in light of this weekend's violent outburst?
Expert:  Carol Kryder LMFT replied 7 years ago.
If you want my personal opinion, yes, you should. However, I am concerned for your safety if you ask him to leave. Do you have a place to go if he threatens you? He does have violent tendencies and he may react very badly if you ask him to leave. Please have a safety plan in place.
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Dear Doctor: I really appreciate your suggestions about taking a break from the relationship. I will think about a safety plan. That is probably a very good idea. Although, I really don't think he wants to bother me. He has plenty of fish in the sea. He is really smooth with the ladies -- and he'll just find another "Sugar Mama". I don't want to buy love -- this price may be way too much. I really want a man who provides for me -- and he doesn't want any of my family money. It is just disappointing since we were working to have a baby and get married soon. I can't believe I have to change my entire life soon.. It is very upsetting to see this so far along in the relationship.  He promises to change...get his own car...etc...but I don't feel comfortable enjoying the fruits of my own labor now that he's expressed so much contempt for my fancy cars and house.  I am very hurt and sadden by his jealousy.  The only way to enjoy my things -- is to get him to move out.  He will make me pay emotionally otherwise is my fear... Any thoughts?
Expert:  Carol Kryder LMFT replied 7 years ago.
Hello again:

If you are sure you will be safe, it sounds like you will be much better off without him. No one needs to be treated with contempt. My experience in 20 years as a marriage counselor is that the relationship is at its best right before the wedding. Things tend to go downhill after that point for most people. This does not bode well for your relationship.

I truly wish you the best. Trust your instincts. You deserve better.

Warm regards,