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Anna, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
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Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.
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My mother in law is highly manipulative and before me she hated

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My mother in law is highly manipulative and before me she hated my sister in law and told any one who would listen, now is is my turn. She continually slates me behind my back, has lured my boyfriend and I to NZ to apparently help her buy her husbands other half of the farm out and a yet a year later she has still not made my boyfriend a partner. By the way- the farm price was reduced with it in mind that it was to be farmed by his son but she has still got all the control and tells people that she is not sure that she wants to do the partnership. She keeps coming into our house on the farm- letting herself in with a key and tells people why not as she owns the house- We slipped her key off the keyring and she went mad about it and noticed almost straight away. When she has come into the house- we have a young work placement guy helping on the farm who comes in for food etc who witnessed this by the way- she was ranting on that the farm paid for all this and basically all the furniture in the house is mine from the UK.I recently bought a baby grand piano with my own money the other day but because some days later we asked to be paid she assumed the money had gone into the piano and therefore the piano was hers. She has taken pieces of furniture from us that were left to my boyfriend from his mother and fathers divorce settlement. She has had numerous affairs all through her former marriage and bats her eyelids at anything in trousers. She even tried it on with my dad in front of my mum. I am pregnant now and the very next thing she said when she found out to me and and partner was you had better be nice to me or I shall sell the lot. She has been to see a Harley Street doctor for her odd behaviour many years ago- she has had to ops to reduce a meningioma over her left eye but I am deeply worried as she is devious, hiding her bad behaviour towards me and my Partner in front of certain people, highly manipulative, arrogant- thinks she is brilliant at evrything and yet she is very disorganised forgetting most things and misplacing items all of time and blaming others for taking them or someone- ie the ex is getting and taking them to play games. She talks about me so badly I can't believe it is me she is talking about! My boyfriend is working his but off up at 5am and he is still out there andit is now 10.57pm- there used to be two adult men on the farm and yet all she can do is run him down and continually blame him for mistakes that she has generated because her admin and book keeping is terrible. Help- what do we do? I know the local doctors are aware she is a problem but I think she has a personality disorder that is now putting us in danger and the rest of the family are far enough away to to really see how bad, difficult and arrogant she is!Most people roll there eyes if I mention her- she is one wicked woman.Thanks in advance! Sonia
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Anna :

Hello & Welcome to Just Answers. Let me read your note a bit further

Anna :

It does look like you're dealing with a Borderline Personality Disorder. Have you done any research on that?

Anna and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
I switched this to the Q & A format when I saw that you were offline.

You need to do whatever it takes to protect yourself from her, or you're going to be in financial as well as emotional ruin. She's got big problems and they aren't the kind that you're going to be able to change very easily at all. Learning to set limits on her and hold fast to them is the only way you can carve out a life for yourself and your own family. She doesn't have any skills in respecting your personal space, much less your emotions, and this kind of person wears others down to a nub if you let them.

Let me refer you to a wonderful website that helps people in your position. They have a book called, Walking on Eggshells by Randi Kreger that will help you understand what you're dealing with and exactly what steps you can take to interact with her better. She will be upset when you set limits on taking the key...but you can't let her tantrums stop you or she'll invade your whole world.


My best to you,

Edited by Anna on 8/11/2010 at 11:51 AM EST