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Sarah
Sarah, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 143
Experience:  Chart'd Psych, 12 yrs exp. English prisons, Clinical Hypnotherapist, EMDR Therapist, BPS, HPC reg'd.
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My 27 year old son confided in me today." I have going out

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My 27 year old son confided in me today. " I have going out with Crystal for last 2 years and she is great. We have great time, she is pretty, I think I love her, get along very well. Am thinking about next step. I am now so confused because about a month ago I started to feel unattracted to her because she has 2 molds on her face and I can't help myself when I see them I am turned off! When I kiss her I feel I am touching them. I feel I am making them grow and if we were to get married and in 10-20 years how would I feel ? I don't DARE say anything to her!" I must also tell you, not sure if related but son has had history of ticks in the past.
HiCustomer
Thanks for your question about your concern for your son. I wonder whether you are right and that the moles are triggering thoughts he has had in the past about his ticks. I don't think he can have found these moles repulsive when he met Crystal, or presumably his relationship with her wouldn't have got this far and this positive. If I can explain a little about the subconscious mind, it might help you to understand how this link can be. When we experience something that is highly emotional, (potentially having ticks on the body) then subconsciously we can absorb beliefs, whose main role in life is to protect us. These beliefs are active in the subconscious mind, but we arrant often aware of them. They encourage us to stay away from what is perceived to be harmful by creating underlying thoughts and feelings, often of panic or anxiety, in order for the conscious mind to make a decision to 'stay away'. This is how fears and phobias are created, which are often irrational, yet have a strong and rational source. The beliefs can be pushed down and ignored, yet they remain in the subconscious mind and as we grow old, they shout louder so that they can be heard. This is how your son's negative reaction could be triggered now by his girlfriend's moles - the fears he is describing is not a fear of his girlfriends moles but the fear that he experienced of his own ticks, no matter how long ago he had them. Ditto with the beliefs about them growing, etc. I would suggest that your son at least speaks to an EMDR therapist, who is able to encourage your son to explore and release any subconscious beliefs held regarding his ticks and his girlfriends moles, and any other related information that he may not be aware of. He does not need to be able to explain his fears rationally as the therapy will take place using his subconscious mind and any related emotions will be released, so that he can see the future and his girlfriend without distortions from the past. Have a look on www.emdr.com for more informational a local therapist. You will see that this is a trauma therapy -having ticks could very easily fit into is. I do believe it would be worth checking this out as your son is right, in that any fears he has now may be escalated by the time he is older. He may be embarrassed to talk to his girlfriend about her moles, but again, the angst he may be feeling could be his own angst from before. I am wondering whether he could tell her that he had ticks in the past and that her moles are triggering stuff for him, so he is going for therapy them. Or he could simply not mention it and see how it goes. There is part of me that thinks if he wants to marry Crystal then honesty is great, yet there is also a part of me that this he is repulsed by his triggered memories and it would be sad for her to take that on board as her moles aren't what he is afraid of. Perhaps he would be better to have therapy without her knowing and see how he gets on. I wish you and your son well with this. Best Wishes, Sarah
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