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Selah R, M.S. LPC
Selah R, M.S. LPC, Therapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 582
Experience:  Licensed Professional Counselor; over 13+ yrs exp working with adults, teens, & families/couples.
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My daughter has been thru detox and rehab at least 3x. We

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My daughter has been thru detox and rehab at least 3x. We cannot afford to pay her rent in the 1/2 way house. She will not can not refuses to get a job. I do not want my daughter to be homeless at 26. This decision has cost me my family. Am I the problem, the enabler?
Thank you for trusting JustAnswer with your important question.

Your natural mother instincts (love, protect, provide for) are encouraging you to continue to mother her like a child. But she's an adult, who is refusing to take responsibility for her own actions and addictions. It's time to let go. You can not help her out of this, you can not protect her from the bad choices she's making. All you can do it tell her you'll be there for her when she's ready.

It's not easy to let go. It's terrifying and sad and you're going to feel guilt and all kinds of negative emotions. And she's going to lash out and maybe throw a lot more negative emotions and statements your way because she doesn't want your help to get clean but she doesn't want to lose the safety net you're trying to provide her either.

You should get a counselor for yourself, or at least join a support group like Al-Anon to be around other people who struggle with having someone they love be lost in addiction. You need help in knowing what the new rules and boundaries of your relationship should be with your daughter. And you need a safe place to vent all the conflicting emotions, fears, thoughts, anger, etc. that seeing her in this place is causing you.

Keep supportive people around you, keep your faith system strong if you have one, and know that you're not the first nor the last parent to watch their kids go through this horror. You can't stop her, you can only keep yourself and your family safe until she's ready to accept her addiction and own her responsibility in real recovery efforts.

Selah R, M.S. LPC and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you