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Dr. Michael
Dr. Michael, Psychologist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2177
Experience:  Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.
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I like to masturbate in public. I do this on the bus, in the

Resolved Question:

I like to masturbate in public. I do this on the bus, in the car, behind bushes and trees, anywhere I think I good looking woman might come along and see me. I seem to need for her to see my erect penis, and of course to ejaculate just as she sees me is ideal. Also occasionally I have had the experience where she watches me for a duration, not just a glimpse, which again is ideal. Of course the problem is not all women get a kick out of this and some call the police. Having said that, I have to admit I don't understand that part of it, I don't understand why a woman would call the police because she has seen a penis. I have been able to abstain for periods of time but the desire always seems to return and once I start into it I can't stop myself, although the majority of the time it doesn't result in a woman actually seeing me, I'm usually too afraid to let her see me. Until I was in my late 30's I had never really had a relationship with a woman. Then I met someone who seemed to like me and she wouldn't tell me how old she was, only that she was a few years older. She insisted I must tell everything about my past and so I did. She said God must have brought us together. After about 2-3 years I found out she was 16 years older than me. I was devastated and asked others what I should do, most seemed think age is only a number and it didn't matter. Since I had never been successful with women I thought perhaps God was presenting me with this woman as a solution to my problems. The last 5 years have been a gradual realization that she is not what I thought she was and her age makes me feel like loser, although there are times when I like her. What do you think would be a solution to my expsosing myself, considering that I really do like it when I get a woman to watch me.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Dr. Michael replied 7 years ago.
I believe I can answer your question to your satisfaction. First, I have a few questions. How long has the exposure activity been going on? How often do you do it? Have you ever been arrested by the police for this behavior? If so, what happened? Do you have a job, hobbies, a social circle of friends you regularly spend time with, or do you regularly get together with family members to have dinner or engage in activities together; and if so, with whom and how often do you get together?

I'll await your response.....................
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
I have had this problem since I was in my early teens. When I go into my cycle it is daily sometimes. I have been charged many times for this, been in jail 3 or 4 times. I work full time in a low income job, they know about my problems which makes it difficult to feel good there. I have been very isolated for the last 5 years. I always was to some extent but more so in recent years. I was playing golf in previous years but not usually with people I know, I just go by myself and join others or play by myself, but physical ailments, partially from my years of exposing affecting my back and neck, have made golf difficult. I have been in a bowling league for three years, physical ailments are a problem there too, and a guy from work was in the league 2 years ago and he told some of the people there about my exposing so there is discomfort there also. I am almost completely out of touch with my family, partially because of my wife, they do not live close to here either. I was initially in regular contact with my wife's family but problems between her and I have caused me to shy away from them. I go to a support group for ex prisoner's once a week but it is very poorly run. I stopped going to 12 step groups because of her protests also.
Expert:  Dr. Michael replied 7 years ago.
I can quite confidently tell you that your creates problem is your social isolation and lack of consistent, quality contact with others, because social support is quite critical to overcoming problems such as the ones you describe. I think you have figured out that your lack of ability to form really close, lasting relationships with people in general is a core problem for you.

Let me ask a couple more questions, if I may. Are you still married at this point and how would you characterize the relationship? How and why did she protest your attendance at the 12 step program?
Customer: replied 7 years ago.
Married refers to living common law. Yes I am still living with her. Her way of manipulating and controlling was to raise hell anytime I wanted to do anything that would be good for me. She would also use subtle things like telling me calmly that she didn't thing I should be associating with these non professionals and that they were controlling my thinking and I needed to learn to think for myself. She would often attack me verbally right at bed time just as I was trying to go to sleep. She would also turn the light on to keep me from going to sleep. If I got up to turn off the light she would keep turning it back on. She would use these same tactics when someone called for me on the phone and anything she didn't want me to do.
Expert:  Dr. Michael replied 7 years ago.
I do not think you are involved in a comprehensive enough treatment program. For instance, despite her protests, a 12-step program may help you greatly both in terms of helping remedy the social isolation you are experiencing and finding new reasons to stop the sexual behavior. This is definitely one option that you should pursue, as it is a free option (no cost to you except time)

Individual therapy with someone who uses a cognitive-behavioral approach would be helpful to you. It does not sound as if your counselor really knows how to deal with exhibitionism through cognitive and behavioral methods. I'm quite sure you believe your perceptions about women's reactions to you when they seen your penis are heart-felt and you trust what you observe and interpret their behavior as you see it. However, good research data show that nearly all women react to mens' exposing themselves with nervous laughter, or they may occasionally smile---HOWEVER, if you really knew what they were thinking and experiencing, the smile reflects internal feelings of shock and embarrassment; we all may smile when presented with something embarrassing and we simply don't know how else to react. Also, other women may look and then ignore what they see, showing no reaction, and this is learned response----they have been taught that rather than show ANY reaction that might reinforce the exhibitionists' behavior, they are to not provide any facial or verbal reaction-----this is called an "extinction" response. So obviously, you are interpreting womens' reactions based on what you see and the meaning you impose on it, rather than what they ACTUALLY experience. The therapy can help you discover better ways of relating e.g., perhaps a referral to a social skills training group, because to some degree, exposing yourself is at least partially a sexual outlet you engage in, due to the fact that you do not, and perhaps never have learned to develop quality, intimate relationships with women. So, the latter would be a critical task of your therapy program, IMO. Finally, marital therapy would also be a very plausible source of help. Some of the healthier ways of relating to women you need to learn could occur in the context of couples counseling or marital therapy. Here, both you and your wife would learn how to listen better, communicate far better than you do, and you'd find ways to set limits on her behavior, where you find it aggressive or abusive.

I hope this answers your question. Please let me know if I have failed to address your question at this point.

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