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Tamara, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1073
Experience:  20+ yrs Private Practice; Cert. Master Therapist; National Board Certified; APA Board Certified
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What is the easiest way to get my husband who has clear

Resolved Question:

What is the easiest way to get my husband who has clear signs of Rapid Cycling Bipolar disorder to get assessed for Bipolar Disorder when he is not stable enough to agree to go for more than a day before deciding yet again he does not have a problem? I have a BSN, so you can be direct and I understand a fair amount about mental health... I just need help.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Tamara replied 7 years ago.
Hi. Welcome to JustAnswer. I'm pleased to try to help you today.

I'm sorry to hear that you are having these problems with your husband. It sounds like it has been very frustrating for you to deal with. I think the best approach would be to be direct, and tell him that you are concerned about his behavior and that you want him to get assessed. Remind him that there are times when he agrees with you, and that his ability to totally change his mind the next day are indications that there are some mood issues that need to be dealt with. I'm glad to hear that you are not attacking him - as you know, that won't get you anywhere. But it is sometimes easy to give someone too much power in an attempt to not push them, and then have them not take the initiative to pursue getting any answers. Tell him directly that you want him to get an assessment so you can start figuring out what the problem is. Then make him an appointment with someone, and tell him that you expect him to go. Unless he flat out refuses to get in the car, just take him to the appointment. It's not uncommon for people to say that they don't need help - but then they won't put up a lot of resistance to an appointment that is made for them. You are on the right track by trying to encourage him, but it sounds like he just needs a good push at this point.

Best wishes, and please let me know if I can answer any further questions. Tamara
Customer: replied 7 years ago.

I have actually made appointments that he has refused to go to. It's to the point now that he is so disturbed that "I" have the problem. I have given him too much control and he is definitely emotionally abusive. The only thing I can do is sit and wait for him to threaten to hurt himself or someone, or wait for a punch to be able to force him to go.

Are there any communication techniques or ways to help him see what he's putting our family through without pushing him over the edge and sending him into a furious rage? How do you get through the irrationality that blocks him from understanding others? I know timing is important, but his understanding of my feelings only seems to stay around when he needs something from me.. Do I just leave him to prove my point?

Expert:  Tamara replied 7 years ago.
It does sound like he has too much control, and that trying to get him to do anything at this point just ends up with you getting abuse directed at you. We are operating on the assumption here that he is bipolar - but I am wondering if you might be dealing with a personality disorder instead (e.g narcissistic). That could also explain his anger outbursts, as well as his insistence that you have the problem, his inability to have any insight into his behavior, his irrationality, his self-centeredness, and his inability to have empathy. I am inclined at this point to suggest that you get yourself a therapist to talk with so you can further explore his behavior and the problems it is causing. I think you may need more information before you can accurately determine how to best deal with him. By talking with a therapist yourself, you can get a better idea of what might be going on, as well as some assistance in how to handle his behavior in a more productive manner. It may well be that you will just have to leave at some point. But I think you really need a better idea of what you are dealing with before you make any more moves.

Good luck, and let me know if I can help you further. Tamara
Customer: replied 7 years ago.

I believe he does have that tendency too and also has sexual addiction issues in which he uses he sex to justify the appropriateness of his moods. Yes I do need counselling and completely agree with that. If anything it would help me to love myself more and be there for our 3 children which seem to pick up on these behaviors and are deprived time and attention because of the focus I put on my husband. Thank you.

Unless you can think of anything else.. You can simply send a goodbye response and I will accept your answer. Thanks.

Expert:  Tamara replied 7 years ago.
Thank you. I really think it would be worth your while to get come counseling for yourself. It would help you love yourself more and be there for your children. Good luck with everything. Take care. Tamara
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