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I am a single 45yr old woman with major family issues that I

Hi, I am a single...
Hi, I am a single 45yr old woman with major family issues that I have tried to deal with my entire life. One of seven siblings, 2nd oldest, caretaker and 2nd "mom" in family. Parents divorced after 26 yrs. I'm very independent and have taken care of myself and certain siblings throughout past. Even though I have tried over the years to have a committed relationship, I always sabatage it and I have built walls around me. I know I have the ability to do/be anything I want to, but inside I just feel dead, no motivation. My drive was always for my family and their lives which seemed to be enough until this year, which for some reason has extremely bothered me that I have no husband, children or "life". Over the past 10 years I have tried anti-depressants, diagnosed bi-polar, have a drinking problem and major sleep issues. My entire family is clueless about what I am going through, (or choose to be). On top of all of that, I have major social phobias which on most days prevent me from doing even the littlest chore like going to the store. On my good days, I can be on top of the world and I'm a great masker of my problems as I was taught to do growing up. But I know it's fake and I'm tired of pretending. I am self employed and my insurance does not cover mental/emotional help. I know what I need to do to fix alot of my problems but I don't seem to care enough about myself to make it happen. I dearly love my family, but they are the root of most of my problems, yet I don't know how to "leave" them and I don't have the mental strength to go out on my own. I needed to make changes 20 years ago, but... Now I feel too old with too many scars. How do I start at my age to learn to care about myself and have some self esteem in order to make changes? Sincerely, ***** ***** Space
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Answered in 20 minutes by:
7/23/2010
Tamara
Tamara, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1,073
Experience: 20+ yrs Private Practice; Cert. Master Therapist; National Board Certified; APA Board Certified
Verified
Hi. Welcome to JustAnswer. I'm pleased to try to help you today.

I'm sorry to hear that you are having these problems in your life. It sounds like you feel pretty discouraged about all of it. I agree that you need some help, but you're not going to get it from therapists who aren't further enough along on their own path to help you. Also, if you are diagnosed bipolar, you really need to be on medication to control that. I think that would go a long way to help you feel better.

You have a lot of issues to deal with: overinvolvement with family, alcohol abuse, sleep problems, self-esteem issues, depression, agoraphobia. You are going to need some help to get yourself out of this. No offense, but your best efforts have gotten you where you are - so you're going to have to find a way to reach out and get some input from other sources. I'm not at all trying to sound discouraging - because I think it can be done. But it's going to take a lot of desire on your part to want to get better. You can't keep doing the same thing and expect different results. It obviously won't work that way.

My impression is that you are less than excited about therapy - which I understand, but I would encourage you to reconsider. But you would need to put some effort into finding someone who can actually help you. Maybe you could find someone online . There are many sites where you can find a therapist who will work with you online or on the phone.

I would also encourage you to stop drinking. Drinking is a depressant, and it's going to make you feel worse - not better. I know that's easier said than done, but it can be done, and it would make a significant difference. There are also more self-help books than you can imagine that can start guiding you in the direction of the mental health that you desire.

You know, I have a gut feeling that you are really ready to make a change - not just complaining right now, but really ready. I'm going to recommend a couple of books that I think might start you in the direction you want to go. If these don't sound right for you, please look for something else. But take a look at these and see if they feel right. They are: The Power of Intention by Wayne W. Dyer, and The Law of Attraction in Action: A Down-to-Earth Guide to Transforming Your Life (No Matter Where You're StartingFrom) by De***** *****. Again, these may not "fit" for you, but I have a sense that they might.

Don't be afradi to reach out. That's the only way you're going to find what you need. It might be a slow process, but you've got to start somewhere. You started today. Now follow through and keep going.

Best wishes, and please let me know if I can answer any further questions. Tamara
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Customer reply replied 7 years ago

Tamara,

Can You recommend any on-line experts? I was also wondering about Your monthly fee sign up service. If I was to sign up for that, would it be You that I could always talk to since I started with You or would I get a new person everytime I needed to talk to someone?

Good for you! Yes, if you sign-up for the monthly service here, you could talk with me always. All you would have to do is start your question with "For Tamara" and then no one but me would answer it. I would be glad to do that.

In terms of online sites, look at something like http://www.counselingwellnesstherapy.com/Therapists.html or http://www.counselingpros.com/. Just do some searching if you think you would be interested in going that direction. You can look around and choose someone you would be comfortable with.

I would be glad to talk with your further through JustAnswer if you think that would be helpful. Let me know. Tamara
Tamara
Tamara, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1,073
Experience: 20+ yrs Private Practice; Cert. Master Therapist; National Board Certified; APA Board Certified
Verified
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Tamara
Tamara
Tamara, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1,073
1,073 Satisfied Customers
Experience: 20+ yrs Private Practice; Cert. Master Therapist; National Board Certified; APA Board Certified

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