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Tamara, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1073
Experience:  20+ yrs Private Practice; Cert. Master Therapist; National Board Certified; APA Board Certified
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My divorced girlfriend was sexually abused @7+ by older

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My divorced girlfriend was sexually abused @7+ by older brother that orchestrated sex acts between her and other brother. No Penetration. This was considered root of her multiple partners in adultery over 8+ years during 15 year marriage (as a Mormon),, only stopping after getting caught. She says now, through therapy, she's cured. She now asks me to suck her fingers (goes wild) hints at spanking, states she loves tasting herself, penis after intercourse and semen. (She proclaims herself as sexual/sensual,, shaves pubic area, 100% commando, nude whenever possible, etc.) We make out strong, but no petting and clothes stay on until after marriage. My researsh says this deviant(?) behavior is from trauma related to abuse. After marriage will it esculate? potential for adultery reoccurance. Oedipus situation as I'm 56, she's 42???
Hi. Welcome to JustAnswer. I'm pleased to try to help you today.

Well, the thing about sexual preferences and behavior is that it is difficult to label anything as "deviant" (outside of pedophilia). Typically, as long as both partners are OK with what is happening, there typically isn't a problem. It sounds, however, like you feel that her behavior is outside the norm (at least with what you are used to). Clearly, your girlfriend has a very strong sexual appetite, and seems to be very OK with her sexuality. There is no way to predict what direction this will take after marriage (escalate or decrease are both possibilities). But I will say that given her history, and her extreme interest in presenting herself to you as very sexually available (and teasing), I would have concerns if I were you about her ability to stay faithful if she were to marry you. There seems to be a strong connection for her with sex and her power over men. She needs to be desired. I seriously doubt she is "cured." You can take the risk, certainly, but just know what you are likely dealing with.

Best wishes,a nd please let me know if I can answer any further questions. Tamara
Customer: replied 7 years ago.

Thank you for the response, however, it's incomplete.

Need response on age difference as a concern too. She looks to me for advice and follows through with it. Her Father was shadowed by her Mother. Am I the Father figure now as she's 42 & I'm 56? Can you foresee other related potential concerns?

I didn't comment on the age difference because it honestly seemed inconsequential compared to the other issue. It's hard to say whether there is an issue there or not. She may somehow see you as a father figure - or she may not. She would be in the best position to answer that. Asking your advice doesn't have to mean anything beyond that she respects your opinion. If she seems to expect you to take care of everything for her, and doesn't take responsibility for herself - then the age difference would be more of an issue. If I were you, the sex issue would be the most concerning. Trust your intuition. You need to believe her and trust her. If you don't, then think carefully before you proceed. Tamara
Tamara and other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
Customer: replied 7 years ago.

Tamara, you rock....... thank you for the service.

You're very welcome. Please let me know if I can help you in the future. Tamara