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Anna, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1945
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.
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This question is for who helped me before. ; for you to

Resolved Question:

This question is for Anna who helped me before.
Anna; for you to answer my new question, you will need first need to refer to my previous question regarding my Narcissist (now ex) boyfriend and his out of control behavior on our trip to Africa. If you are unable to do that, I don't believe you will be able to have enough information to answer this followup question. Also, I think your advice is spot on but I won't be able to continue beyond this because I'm out of work.
I ended the relationship discussed in my previous email (June 18th), however, I still don't have any pictures from the trip (all on his camera - there was a technical problem with the CDs he made for me when he thought "what happens in Africa stays in Africa" and we would continue seeing each other). When I became aware of the technical problem, I emailed (6/20) him, as his family will have the same problem and I need his help to have pictures from the trip (I took hundreds of fabulous pictures). His first response was that he would visit the Apple store for a solution; a few days later he emailed me that he is still trying to figure out a solution and sent me a link to his Web Gallery interim so I can at least view the pictures. I checked with the Apple store and they told me his Apple computer has everything to convert the pictures and make new CDs (they even showed me and it was very simple, just time consuming). His favorite phrase is "get it done" and if he wants to do something, he does whatever it takes to do it immediately. I first thought he was mad because I broke up with him and he wanted to punish me by not getting me the pictures, but a week later he emailed me that he just found some expensive travel panties of mine that I thought were left in Africa, however, his story about where he found them (in a suitcase that I had checked 3 times specifically for the panties) didn't add up so I don't know what that was about. He offered to put the panties in his mailbox or I could pick them up from him some evening. I had him put them in the mailbox (I did the same thing when we switched back a few items that were left at each others houses right after the breakup-he offered swapping in person both times but I did not want the contact). I don't know if he has no intention of getting me the pictures or if he is planning another curtain call like he did twice before (I am 100% done and nothing will change that). Note: when I broke up with him, I told him it was because I caught him in Africa in the restroom with our young married hostess in addition to the fact that after 2 1/2 years his gagging at marriage had become as issue that I would have addressed down the road, so I don't see what promises he thinks he could try to come back with. He is 57, well off financially with a great job (Sr. Executive), beautiful home, car, somewhat OCD, perfectionist, controlling, etc. but the person I saw in Africa was an out of control alien (like he was possessed) and nasty to me. In addition, when I broke up and mentioned the cheating incidents, I saw a glimpse of a terrible temper seething below the surface (he had to leave the room to keep from blowing and even then it was barely contained). Even though he lives in a premier gated community and has an alarm system, he has always kept a loaded (hot-no safety) handgun on top of (not in) his nightstand (that always bothered me and he just brushed my questions off with the fact that he used to live in Texas and everyone there does that). In addition, we were once half kidding around and I was chastising him for a rude comment he made; and he said, with kind of a weird laugh (but it completely unnerved me) "watch out or I'll cut you" (I should have bailed when I saw the gun, or definitely with the "cut you" comment). Note: there was verbal abuse but he stopped that a year ago after I told him it was unacceptable and then walked out. He may already be on to someone else and gone for good (but something just doesn't feel right to me because of the picture situation and the panties). If that's not the case and he plans on a curtain call in a couple of months like (twice) before, does he sound to you like he has the potential to be dangerous? Note: my narcissistic ex husband and a boyfriend (bi-polar) both would not let go (ex-husband played mental/money games/threatened suicide/sent flowers & weird cards, etc. for years) and (boyfriend emailed love or hate messages on & off for 9 months) after I ended the relationships. Thank you.
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Anna replied 7 years ago.
Hello & Welcome to Just Answers.

I'm glad to hear that you're over this guy...he was 100% NPD as well as rude and hurtful. I don't know if that makes him dangerous - aggression is difficult to predict with accuracy. He may have stalker potential and rage issues, but it also sounds like he knows his limits. (him walking out when he was losing control, and when you prompted him to stop that other time). I think if you stay clear, you should be ok, but if you get any threats, bring law enforcement into the situation and make sure they understand he has a gun by the bed. He won't want to play that game again if he has to deal with the police.

I suspect the photos will be the issue that he uses to keep connected to you...when he's in the mood. If the photos are online, you can usually have a CD made of them if he gives you the permission. It may be expensive, but worth it. I'd strike while the iron is hot and he's happy.

It was good to hear from you again with such positive news. You sound free of him emotionally, which is the biggest step.

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