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Anna, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1945
Experience:  Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.
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I am single female 59 yrs old. I have 2 brothers 66 & married

Resolved Question:

I am single female 59 yrs old. I have 2 brothers 66 & married and 57 & married. My older brother is married to lovely lady for 2 yrs and I'm glad he finally met his soul mate. My younger brother lived with my Mom till she passed away 7 yrs ago. She babied him and enabled him and he never was achiever but hard working decent loving son. I adore and we were very close until he married.

He met acquaintance of mine who came from Third world country he married her 4 yrs ago. She is registered nurse. She is extremely jealous of my relationship with my brother
and always acts like I have insulted her and is super sensitive. She is vain, liar, manipulative, controlling, opinionated, and lots of class envy. She claims she was molested by her older step brother. She has younger brother she has broken ties because she no longer could control and help him.

We recently went to visit my older brother who as always teased us but was always
supportive and helped us. My sister-in-law loves to tear 2 brothers apart and interferes
with their joking around. My younger brother is now super sensitive and now has issues with myself and his brother for being insensitive to him. He now has created a scenario that reason he has never been self confident because he was mentally abused by nun (teacher). His wife has fueled his insecurities.
I was always kind to her and now I longer want to deal with her petty squabbling. How do I deal with women who is insensitive, disruptive and ungrateful? Every time she wants to hurt me she uses my brother to be messenger. I am at my wits end.

They invited me to go on another trip to Hawaii
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Anna replied 7 years ago.
Hello & Welcome to Just Answers.

It sounds like your brother has married a woman suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder. Let me give you a website that will help start your education process on what is wrong with her and how to handle her. I highly recommend the book, "Walking on Eggshells" by Randi Kreger. It has tools that work when dealing with BPDs, and helps you set boundaries and limits so that you can be sane.

The main thing to know is that you can't make this woman feel better. NOTHING you do will work, as the problem is inside of her, and BPD's have an extremely limited capacity for insight. It takes lots of hard work for people with this disorder to recover, and motivated ones do, but the vast majority spend their lives stirring up tornados in other people's lives and never look back. She will do whatever it takes to spit up the family so that she can have total control over your brother. Isolating him is part of the plan, but she probably has no awareness of the pain she suffers. BPDs go from second to second with no account of history other than what they feel in the moment, and that always is in flux.

You're not crazy!

BPD Central

My best to you.

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