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Carol Kryder LMFT
Carol Kryder LMFT, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 808
Experience:  APA Board Certified, Diplomate,Substance Abuse Professional, 20 years family therapy experience
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My 9 yr old granddaughter is causing problems at home. She

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My 9 yr old granddaughter is causing problems at home. She is as good as gold at school and when I am visiting the family at their home. There is a new baby boy now and E is now the eldest of 3 children the middle boy is now 3 years old. She has for some time now been rude and abusive to her parents, swearing, occasionally being violent towards them and generally not doing anything she is told to do. Withdrawing pocket money favourite game machine etc have no effect - she just doesn't cre. Apparently this behaviour started some weeks before the baby was born. So you have any possible thoughts on the root of the problem here and any advice please. Many thanks
This is alarming behavior for a 9 year old. Has she been abused? Experience trauma? Witnessed violence? I am particularly alarmed that she doesn't seem to care if things are taken away from her.
Customer: replied 7 years ago.

Hello No she has never been abused. Her biological father had some psychiatric problems of which we know little. He left when E was still a baby and has only intermittently come back into her life when he wants something. He does not send birthday cards etc. To him she just does not exist.

2 years ago E's very best and closest friend moved to Cyprus, she was deeply affected by this as she had known this friend from birth - they were very close.

My daughter had to seek professional help at that time as E became very difficult to deal with violent temper tantrums etc

E has had a step father since she was 4 and they get on very well - she even calls him 'daddy' and it is true that he has had a calming effect on her - giving her more of a sense of security and love as well.

I hope this helps. Many thanks

Thanks for the clarification.

She is acting like she has been damaged and it is possible that the loss of her best friend along with the birth of the new baby is causing this anger. As I said previously, my biggest concern is that she doesn't seem to care if things are taken away. That means she feels she has nothing left to lose. She is angry at her parents, and I am not sure why. She also has very low self esteem. The good news is that she does not cause problems at school so it would not be ADHD or bipolar. This is situational.

If this continues you will need to have her see a therapist to work out her feeling and boost her self esteem again. The parents need to show her how special she is to the family. She should have tasks that only she can do to help the family. It would be a good idea to talk to her and ask her to pick what she wants to do as her special contribution to the family.

This will take work, but it is treatable. I wish you all the best.
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