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Norman M.
Norman M., Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2568
Experience:  ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.
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I have an issue that needs urgent response on what to do. I

Resolved Question:

Hello, I have an issue that needs urgent response on what to do. I got married 2YEARS AGO OUT OF PARENTAL PRESSURE.We dated for close to 9years before we got married. 2 days after the wedding, I started an affair with someone I have always loved and my parents refused me to marry. Ever since we have been together.Am presently a live in lover withthis guy and seriously want a child. The fear is he would not have the time to be with the children the way he is doing with the present wife and children.The problem with this guy is that he has been married,divorced, married again and now has 8 children but i dont know why i love him so much.He cares for me gives me all I need but he is never available.He travels every weekend and gets back on a sunday evening where he would have to work all through the week again before he travels for the weekend again.
The problem with the guy I married is that he is not matured for me,unnecessarily loud and does not have the money to take care of me at all.I am confused at this moment and torn between a guy that takes care of me financially and has no time and a guy that has nothing but has all the time to sleep.pls advise
Submitted: 7 years ago.
Category: Mental Health
Expert:  Norman M. replied 7 years ago.
Only know your entire life situation and your future desires - therfore nobody can tell you what to do with even the slightest degree of certainty that it will work out for you.

What you CAN do is to sit down with pen and paper and write out all the pros and cons of each of your possible choices, then put your paper away for a week. After that look at it again, and see if there is anything you want to add or take out.

When you have done that, you'll have a much better idea of what you want to do. At least, you will be going forward from a reasoned and logical position.

Best wishes,
Customer: replied 7 years ago.

Yes I have done that before but found out I still love the guy more than the one I got married to..I am scared of the future that he would abandone us later in life.

Another thing is that I feel insecure when am with the guy I got married to and am never proud i married him. I refused to change my maiden name and dont respect him at all.

The guy am going out with now is the perfect guy have always dreamed of except the fact that he is married and has 8 scared of him leaving me alone someday and that is why I need genuine and realistic advise from you.

thank you

Expert:  Norman M. replied 7 years ago.
The advice I have am going to give you is as realistic as it gets! You are in an unhappy marriage with a man that effectively despise, and ar having an affair with a married man with 8 children.

Neither future sounds very good, does it. Maybe you should look and dumping them both.
If he won't leave his wife and live with you now he is likely to dump you.
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