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My son is 16 years old and he just has no interest in any…

My son is 16 years...
My son is 16 years old and he just has no interest in any thing other then Xbox or listening to Rap music. He feels that parents are the problem. Worked with him in every angle always is angry. He has problem following directions.
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Answered in 25 minutes by:
6/29/2010
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik, Psychiatrist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4,796
Experience: MD Psychiatry
Verified

Hi there ,

Welcome to Just answer !

Well, your son may be having a problem with rules and following commands , and this may appear as he has a problem with you as parents , but this is not the case , as your son is facing the very normal transition that every teenager has to go through at this age , where in the teenager has a lot of things on his plate , and at this age the teenagers want their own space and want to do things their own way , as they start feeling that they are all grown ups and can handle any situation with the help of parents , plus they feel embarrassed in front of their peers and friends if they have to rely on their parents for some task .

This age through which your son is going on is really demanding for the child , makes him confused and clueless as at this age the person is in a state of transition from a adolescence to reaching adulthood in a couple of years , and so anger and defiance against parents is a normal phenomenon in every household , although it hurts the parents but believe me this phase will pass and to maintain the harmony bettween you and him , you shall switch over from your parent to the role of a friend and as being his friend he will be more comfortable to share things with you and all along , you will be able to guide him to a right direction as a friend , without making him angry and defiant.

So, first have a one to one talk to him , tell him that you will be more patient with him , but there are some boundaries which he shall not cross , no matter happens and in return you are ready to respect his space and would try to be more patient with him and give him justified freedom that he is struggling to achieve..If possible , you may take help of a relationship counselor to help you improvise your talk with him , if you feel that you will not be able to carry out alone .

I hope this helps..

Wish you all the best..

Regards..

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Customer reply replied 8 years ago

Thanks for getting back to me. He just dosen't have energy to do any thing Some time he will sleep at all odd times. He is always tired an observation also made by his peers and elders. He will refuse to go out some time and play with his friends. He refuses all kind of Physical activities. He was a very good track runner and ran a lot. I can understand Lazyness but not having interest in any social activities puzzles us as parents.

Ok , you did not mention this point previously , as this revelation of yours makes me think on terms of depression that your son may be suffering from , and yes depression can occur at this childhood age as well , as the fact that you mention that he lacks energy and even avoids outings and play time with his friends as well and lacks interest in activities which he used to enjoy earlier , defines his state of mind at the moment , which is depressed .

So, in this case i would suggest that you take him to a child psychologist and first get him evaluated for childhood depression and then upon confirmation , the child psychologist shall start him on psychotherapy , that is counseling in lay terms , and the best type of psychotherapy for hs depression would be Cognitive behavioural therapy ( CBT ), AND i believe this type of counseling technioque will bring him back to his normal elements and he would start enjoying his life as he used to do previously.

I hope this helps..

Wish you all the best..

Regards..

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Customer reply replied 8 years ago

We really liked your suggestions - particularly being more patient with him and giving him more space and be his friend -and - to take help from a psychologist.

I also wanted to share with you that he is doing okay with his studies and has got good scores on his SATs, currently started Emergenc Medicl Technician classes. He does show interest in going out with his friends some times. If his sister's frinds that he has known from his childhood come home, he does not mingle with them right away but once he warms up to them he is perfectly normal. I sometimes think his self esteem is low. He enjoys visiting family and cousins.

This might help you to understand his profile better

Simple directions like - take your phone, bring yor wallet with you, pack your bag with everything when goin gout- we constantly have to remind him. Do you think we should stop giving him instructions?

Also our older daughter is 6 years older than him and is starting her med school - who did extremely well throughout her high and college years- may be he has inferioroty complex because of that? They do have a good relationship with each other and he always listens to her.

Please let him take some more responsibility than he has been taking till date , this would make him more confident of himself , plus , his self esteem will also rise when he would find himself doing things without the help of others .

And yes , please do not make any comparisons between him and his sister , as both of them are two different individuals , and so are not alike , if she has been the one who has been better in studies , then he also must be having some good qualities , encourage him to explore his talent and interests and let him exploit them to the fullest , and he shall be successful in what he wants to pursue , so in simple words , let him be more free from any sort of pressure from you and you will see that he will do wonderful in life and his confidence and self esteem will become alright ..

I hope this helps..

Wish you all the best..

Regards..

Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik, Psychiatrist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4,796
Experience: MD Psychiatry
Verified
Dr. Kaushik and 87 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
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Customer reply replied 8 years ago

Dr. Kaushik:

We as parents were so relieved and thank ful for your vey nice insights. Is it possible for us to contact you in future to follow up on progress of your ideas.

Regards,

Concerned Parents

Yes , you shall contact me again through Just answer , all you need to do is to post your question , mentioning that you would want Dr. Kaushik , that is me as the expert answering your query , and so you will be directed to me by the just answer team.

Wish you all the best..

Warm regards..

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