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I'm in early thirties, no past personal psychiatric history…

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I'm in early thirties, no...
I'm in early thirties, no past personal psychiatric history but significant family history - schizophrenia in biological father and schizotypal PD in maternal uncle. I ended up in, what else, the mental healthcare profession. I'm fiercely independent and pride myself for having a high adversity quotient - some incidents during childhood would be classified moderately traumatic, and I grew up under financial hardship and moved to foreign country in my teens, alone. I've done pretty well for myself - decent reputation, well-liked and doing well academically. I'm in a long distance relationship for some years and live alone.
Needless to say, I monitor my own mental state closely. There've been a few instances when things got a bit dodgy in the past few years. Last year, for example, I returned from a place 12 time zones away and had a very bad jet lag. For a couple of weeks I had stretches of hypomania, followed by having strong ideas of reference (have baseline low-grade ideas of reference and have learned to ignore it) with bizarre obsessive images of dismembered bodies and suicidal thoughts. i remained functional throughout, feeling miserable but didn't miss a day of work.
This time, I'm a week from returning from a place 8 time zones away, and again having a pretty bad jet lag, worse than usual for similar distances. It doesn't help I loathe my curent rotation of 2 months - doing mindless administrative work with multiple petty confrontations with various persons (not clients) on a daily basis - and this will not end for another few months. Every day is a drag and I'm feeling irritable and somewhat suicidal.
I thought today there was a faint light at the end of the tunnel, until some minor slight caused a violent reaction (in private) and I was angry enough to cry and contemplate offing myself just to spite the other fellow - not very typical behaviour. I guess my mood has been rather labile and I'm concerned with the emotional reactivity. I'm also wondering if this is prodromal instead of just adjustment kind of stuff. I'm tired of fighting it, I can feel the desperation building up and no recourse -it's a very small community and there is still a strong stigma and I don't want to jeopardize my career - I CAN'T see a shrink here - I'm thinking to get something online, some antidepressants - or maybe there is some online regular psychotherapy service. What do you think?
Submitted: 8 years ago.Category: Mental Health
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Answered in 8 hours by:
6/29/2010
Mental Health Professional: Dr. Bonnie, Psychologist and RN replied 8 years ago
Dr. Bonnie
Dr. Bonnie, Psychologist and RN
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2,189
Experience: 35 years experience counseling children and families
Verified
Hi
What a dilemma you are in. It certainly sound serious enough to get medication and therapy. Would it be possible to get medication from a primary MD to avoid the stigma but get the needed medication. If this is a prodromal of a bipolar disorder, then, an antidepressant could cause a mania episode. So the proper diagnosis is important. How about a psychiatrist in another town who would be willing to do some med checks by phone. I have not found a online service for medication management.

However, I have been looking at the following site to join as a provider. It seems like a good alternative and better than nothing. Although face-to-face contact may become important if your situation is complicated (for instance, if you do develop Bipolar episodes your team of professionals may need to be closer). If simple depression is what it turns out to be, then etherapy is probably ok.

www.etherapistsonline.com

Good luck to you and hope this gives you some direction.
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Customer reply replied 8 years ago
Relist: Answer quality.
i'm sorry, i don't mean to be rude, but could you give me another specialist for my question. her reply is woefully inadequate for the level of service i requested and the details i provide. and i know i made it obvious i'm from the same profession, but it is not a reason to forego the empathy. Dr Behee-Semler is not telling me anything i don't already know; her subspecialty in ADHD and autism may not be the most suitable for my problems. could you let Dr Keane (who I have consulted previously) or anyone else with a positive rating of >99% or acceptance level >1000 to answer my question please.
Mental Health Professional: Dr. Bonnie, Psychologist and RN replied 8 years ago
FYI: You can ask for Dr. Keane by putting her name early in subject line:
For Dr. Keane:...
No rudeness felt...I opted out so that another can answer. Good luck
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 8 years ago
For Dr Keane:

I'm in early thirties, no past personal psychiatric history but significant family history - schizophrenia in biological father and schizotypal PD in maternal uncle. I ended up in, what else, the mental healthcare profession. I'm fiercely independent and pride myself for having a high adversity quotient - some incidents during childhood would be classified moderately traumatic, and I grew up under financial hardship and moved to foreign country in my teens, alone. I've done pretty well for myself - decent reputation, well-liked and doing well academically. I'm in a long distance relationship for some years and live alone. Needless to say, I monitor my own mental state closely. There've been a few instances when things got a bit dodgy in the past few years. Last year, for example, I returned from a place 12 time zones away and had a very bad jet lag. For a couple of weeks I had stretches of hypomania, followed by having strong ideas of reference (have baseline low-grade ideas of reference and have learned to ignore it) with bizarre obsessive images of dismembered bodies and suicidal thoughts. i remained functional throughout, feeling miserable but didn't miss a day of work. This time, I'm a week from returning from a place 8 time zones away, and again having a pretty bad jet lag, worse than usual for similar distances. It doesn't help I loathe my curent rotation of 2 months - doing mindless administrative work with multiple petty confrontations with various persons (not clients) on a daily basis - and this will not end for another few months. Every day is a drag and I'm feeling irritable and somewhat suicidal. I thought today there was a faint light at the end of the tunnel, until some minor slight caused a violent reaction (in private) and I was angry enough to cry and contemplate offing myself just to spite the other fellow - not very typical behaviour. I guess my mood has been rather labile and I'm concerned with the emotional reactivity. I'm also wondering if this is prodromal instead of just adjustment kind of stuff. I'm tired of fighting it, I can feel the desperation building up and no recourse -it's a very small community and there is still a strong stigma and I don't want to jeopardize my career - I CAN'T see a shrink here - I'm thinking to get something online, some antidepressants - or maybe there is some online regular psychotherapy service.

Based on your experience or knowledge of literature, and considering my circumstances, what is the best course of action? I'd appreciate also if you could comment on the symptoms - could it be I'm just being overanxious?

Optional Information:
Gender: Female
Age: 30ish

Already Tried:
rationalizing

Mental Health Professional: Dr. Bonnie, Psychologist and RN replied 8 years ago
I will forward to Dr. Keane
Dr. Bonnie
Dr. Bonnie, Psychologist and RN
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2,189
Experience: 35 years experience counseling children and families
Verified
Dr. Bonnie and 87 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
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Customer reply replied 8 years ago
Dear Dr Behee-Semler, things have already got better. Thank you. Please let Dr K know I've already accepted your answer. Regards, wf.
Mental Health Professional: Dr. Bonnie, Psychologist and RN replied 8 years ago
Thank you very much!
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