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My boyfriend has frequent bouts of anger and rage. He

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becomes extremely defensive in a...
My boyfriend has frequent bouts of anger and rage. He becomes extremely defensive in a split second if he even thinks I am doing or saying something he doesn't agree with. He seems to think all of his problems are way more important than mine. Like if I need something from him like some compassion or understanding, he claims it is my fault that he's not kind to me because I wasn't kind to him. He also says I'm extremely negative all the time and complain a lot and I bring him down and he really thinks he's a positive happy person and I'm the one with problems. It's driving me crazy. If he is right then I would have to be completely schizophrenic or something because I see it the complete opposite way. I really want to help him but he thinks hes fine and wont go to counseling or see a doctor. I even asked if we could go for me or couples counseling and he says no if we need that kind of help then we shouldn't even be together. He's SO mean and rude and disrespectful to me once he gets upset. It's so painful but I love him and feel like if he just got help we could be happy and he wouldnt throw dramatic fits. Please help me what is wrong with him? Or is it me?
Submitted: 8 years ago.Category: Mental Health
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Answered in 16 hours by:
6/29/2010
Mental Health Professional: Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist replied 8 years ago
Dr. Rossi
Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4,627
Experience: PsyD, LPC, CHt
Verified

Good Morning,

This does not seem to be your issue. It is his. If he can not manage his temper, if he is blaming you/accusing you of things, if he is negative and complains (he is displacing his anger onto you) He would have to realize what his triggers are (stressed out, burned out, finances, etc) and address them appropriately. Irritability/anger can also be signs of depression.

If he does not want to consider getting help, there is just so much you can do even when you love him. You can still encourage him (it does not sound that he is too happy with that kind of state of mind. Naturally a person would want to feel better. Now the two of you are suffering when this can really be taken care of appropriately.

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