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I have been with my partner for 4 1/2 years we have one

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child. through out this time...
I have been with my partner for 4 1/2 years we have one child. through out this time he has always refused to marry me and at times he even has a hard time saying he loves me. He is very caring but at times tends to do more for other people then for us. I Know he cares for us but it feels like he doesnt's care enough. what can I do?
Submitted: 8 years ago.Category: Mental Health
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Answered in 1 day by:
6/29/2010
Mental Health Professional: Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist replied 8 years ago
Dr. Rossi
Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4,627
Experience: PsyD, LPC, CHt
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Good Afternoon,

There is not much that you would be able to do to make him care more. You would want to figure out what is causing this behavior (is he afraid of commitment/responsibility, is he just aloof/emotionally closed of sort of an individual etc) What you can do is just find out what is going on and try to make your time with him more valuable and meanigful for the two of you. The rest will have to come from him.

It may be your perception that he is doing more for others (or he may be doing things for them but not as significant as the things he does for you) He may be a people pleaser (helping others also does not mean he is bound to them)

It seems that you may be having a concern as to his commitment level to you and the child. A partner won't be able to give you 100% of the time the same as you. It is healthy to help others at times so the two of you do not become enmeshed.

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Customer reply replied 8 years ago

Dear Dr.Rossi,

It could be possible he may have be afraid of full commitment, but is there any way to help him get over it or what can he do. Responsibility I don't think is his problem because he is very responsible I think. He takes very Good care of my child and I, He makes sure we are safe, healthy, and takes care of our financial needs. Why is it he can't fully commit.

Customer reply replied 8 years ago
Info on how to he
Mental Health Professional: Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist replied 8 years ago
Some individuals think that once they commit to a relationship, they lose their sense of freedom. He is already involved with you for some time now. There is really not going to be something that you can do. He has to tell you what is going on in his mind and then you take it from there. Couples' premarital counseling could be something to look into. That way you would know where he stands if he says something that you were not aware of.
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