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This is not a medical question, it is a question that I

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agonize over every day. I...
This is not a medical question, it is a question that I agonize over every day. I married my husband 4 years ago, he had twins boy and girl then 16. Their mom had died about two years ago. I did not know that my husband allowed them to run wild. The boy hated me from the beginning. There were many fights some alsmost physical in which I called the police. My husband seems to be obsessed with his son and babies him in every way. I had to finally move out. His son still lives with him does not work, is married and has a baby girl. His daughter is not married but also has a baby girl. I do not understand this at all and feel like he has chosen him over me. I still have feelings for my husband but I don't know what to do, should I divorce him and just forget about this? thanks The daughter works and pays her car note. the son does nothing but eat sleep hunt fishes and has sex with his wife. My husband allowed them to live together before they married and you could hear them having sex all over the house, it did not matter who was there. It was so embarrasing. I like pets and have a small dog in my house now and he hates that. acts like it is a felony, but look at what I had to put up with. I am really strapped for money now, retired and disabled, he does not help me with finances becauses he works and nearly kills himself to pay Matts his son bills.
The only thing he does for now is to cut my yard and try to fix things that break in the house. This is my third marriage and I so wanted it to work out, but I just can't see that happening
I stay depressed and stressed out because of this all the time.
Submitted: 8 years ago.Category: Mental Health
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Answered in 3 hours by:
6/27/2010
Mental Health Professional: Selah R, M.S. LPC, Therapist replied 8 years ago
Selah R, M.S. LPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 582
Experience: Licensed Professional Counselor; over 13+ yrs exp working with adults, teens, & families/couples.
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Thank you for trusting JustAnswer with your important question.

I hate to say it, but it sounds like the marriage has been dysfunctional for a very long time (forever?). To fix a marriage, it had to have had a solid foundation at some point. I don't hear that in what you describe. I think you've become trapped in a roommate situation with your spouse because of your financial concerns. It's just easier to stay married right now.

I would recommend that you start finding options for getting out of there. You may be able to qualify for housing assistance in order to move out on your own based on your disability (I'm assuming you get some monthly disability payment?). You can dial 211 from a landline telephone to find out where the nearest agencies are that help people find housing or the nearest housing authority where you can apply for a housing voucher program. You might also want to ask them for a referral for free or low cost counseling for yourself. You need help in fighting this depression, help in getting yourself back, and help in figuring out what to do next.

I would also recommend that you start looking for ways to get support outside of the home, such as a book club, a support group, a church, etc. You sound like you may be isolated and alone emotionally, and that's not helping your situation either.

Best wishes,
Selah
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