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What do you do when you love your husband so much that you…

What do you do when...
What do you do when you love your husband so much that you feel rejected ot ay? I do everything in the world for him but I still get rejected least. I work out, try to stay in shape. So my best at makeup and clothes. I don't think there is another woman. I try to hard I guess at making love to him. I didn't know that was possible. He really turns me on and I just can't help it, He may just prefer being single, He was 51 when we married and I was 40, He had never been married, I have always tried to give him space to do things with his friends but don't seem to have time for him since they have families of their own. If I didn't love jim it would be easy to leave but even though I feel rejected I still love the guy. Please let me know if I just try too hrd, if I should play hard to get or WHAT?
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Answered in 9 minutes by:
6/26/2010
Carol Kryder LMFT
Carol Kryder LMFT, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 808
Experience: APA Board Certified, Diplomate,Substance Abuse Professional, 20 years family therapy experience
Verified
Hello:
Yes, you are definitely trying too hard, and my guess is that he feels suffocated. People can only take so much of a good thing before it becomes too good to be true, and that is what is happening here.

You married him hoping you would be able to have the "happily ever after" and it is not what you thought it was. You are doing everything for him, courting him, making love to him, sending him cards, so that he will love you back in the way you want. Have you considered that he IS loving you to the best of his ability, even though it is not the way you want?

It is time for you to do more for yourself and build yourself up instead of trying to get him to do it for you. This will not work. It hasn't worked. If you are not in therapy, get into therapy and start working on the issues of why you feel rejected when he doesn't respond the way you expect. If you keep this up you will drive him away.

You need to learn that your husband is not responsible for your self esteem, you are. You said you both needed to fill a void. Please find a way to do that for yourself, as he should find a way to do it for himself. Your relationship will be stronger and much happier for it.

I wish you both the very best.

Warm regards,
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Customer reply replied 8 years ago

I really do feel good about my self. At one time I did not, I had hormone issues that I have taken care of I also had seizures related to stress issues tha my psycologist personally saw while in session and recommend a doctor in Chicago that has done wonders. I have been seizure free for six months.

I really have been treated my self better than ever. I diet to make me feel good about myself which I thought in return would give me more confidence around him. I work out with a trainer to make me feel better. I have started taking time to get pedicures and manicures. I really like me more now than in my whole life. He really likes me to dress up or as he calls it "Dolling UP".

OK, I can see that I have not been helpful. I have opted out so another expert can assist you.
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Customer reply replied 8 years ago
Will this be directly sent to another person or do I need to resubmit it?
No, I have asked Selah to take a look at this for you.
Carol Kryder LMFT
Carol Kryder LMFT, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 808
Experience: APA Board Certified, Diplomate,Substance Abuse Professional, 20 years family therapy experience
Verified
Carol Kryder LMFT and 87 other Mental Health Specialists are ready to help you
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Selah is not available, so I will continue with you. What I am trying to tell you is that while you are saying that you love your husband "too much" what I am seeing is a dependence upon him that is suffocating him. It is definitely possible to love too much, just as it is possible to overwater a plant, and we know that will kill it.

You really should get into therapy to find out why you are so dependent upon him. There should be no need for you to try this hard.

Does this make sense? If not, please ask questions and I will clarify.
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Carol Kryder LMFT
Carol Kryder LMFT
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