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My 4 year old is vindictive and hurtful to my new partner,

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Hi, my 4 year old...
Hi, my 4 year old is vindictive and hurtful to my new partner, she lives with us every second week for the full week. she is good for the first few days but when I am not there she is just rude to my partner. She has known my partner for 1 year and has we have recently moved in together with her.
What can we do as she is hurting my partner?
Submitted: 8 years ago.Category: Mental Health
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Answered in 9 hours by:
6/25/2010
Mental Health Professional: Anna, Mental Health Professional replied 8 years ago
Anna
Anna, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1,945
Experience: Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.
Verified
Hello & Welcome to Just Answers.

At four years old, setting limits and using rewards is the key. Take a step backwards from all the feelings involved and just try to look at correcting the behavior. Give consequences for rudeness and rewards for good behavior.

Sometimes in newly blended families, there is way too much emphasis on the feelings of the children involved...too much..."are we all happy and loved". Children need attention to their feelings and comfort, but they also need to have strong leaders who can lead and can handle them. Your child is pushing the limits, which is their job. Your partner's job is going to be to become the fence and hold fast to the rules of acceptable behavior. Rudeness isn't to be tolerated, and it gets handled matter of factly. It isn't about happy or sad, but boundaries and roles. When the adults get comfortable with their new roles, your son will also.

My best to you.

If you would, please fill out the feedback form after accepting. I appreciate this opportunity to help you out today. If I can be of further service to you, just put "for Anna" in the front of your new question, and I'll be the one to answer it.

Thanks!

Anna

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