Mental Health

Have mental health questions? Ask a psychiatrist online

Ask an Expert,
Get an Answer ASAP!

I have a friend who constantly repeats her dramatic

Customer Question
experiences to me. I know...
I have a friend who constantly repeats her dramatic experiences to me. I know every word ad infinitum. She tries to identify with me because I had breast cancer twice and suffered an abusive relationship. However, I am trying to get on with my life whilst ,when I get she is often sitting in my drive ready to expound yet another drama upon me. The fact that I may be very tired (I work with people with learning difficulties, have a son on the autistic spectrum and an ex-husband with Aspergers syndrome) Am I just someone whotries to mop up others peoples problems? I know that my conditioning has made me vulnerable to appease, but I have not lost my own spirit. Also, I truly care for people and try to imagine what it feels like if I were in their position. However, most positions we are in are out of allowing ourselves to besteredctomy in them.
If it does not feel right regardless of conditioning,empathise and listen to your gut feeling. Your parents can only f--- you up so much. So what do I do with a friend who wants my "freindship" uses vague explainations,constantly tells me about herself and how badly she has been betrayed by her family, doctors,solicitors and uncle tom cobley.
I cannot take any more of her repetitive sense of being a victim. Today for example,she tried to explain that I should forget I had breast cancer and just think what it might have like for her to have a hysterectomy . She speaks of becoming rich whilst always saying how poor she is. Most sentences begin with I, me or my.
Most conversations are totally focussed on her and how hard done by she is, or how lovely she is.
Submitted: 8 years ago.Category: Mental Health
Show More
Show Less
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Answered in 6 hours by:
6/25/2010
Mental Health Professional: Carol Kryder LMFT, Mental Health Professional replied 8 years ago
Carol Kryder LMFT
Carol Kryder LMFT, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 808
Experience: APA Board Certified, Diplomate,Substance Abuse Professional, 20 years family therapy experience
Verified
Hello:
I am having difficulty understanding why you call this woman a friend. It is all about her. There is no give and take. Why is she still in your life?
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Customer reply replied 8 years ago
Relist: Other
I appreciate your reply and understand what you are saying. However, I believe that I am to some extent to blame as I seem to attract needy people. It is not so much about her but about how I can avoid being sucked into other peoples problems beyond the acceptable. This comes very much from my upbringing as I was my mother's mother for most of her life and she was often very unkind to me which left me becoming a people pleaser. I understand my shortcomings and work very hard to overcome them but there is no magic button to click, it is a daily effort and also a learning curve whereby you become aware of others unreasonable demands. I am now simply not feeding her ego. I listen but do not offer her solutions, also I ensure that I am not constantly available.
I am expanding my social circle and letting her know that she cannot just dump herself on me in as kind a way as possible. When she tries the self pitying act out on me and I just ignore it. Whether that will be adequate for her remains to be seen. She is not a bad person but I would like our "friendship", if it survives, to be on a more level footing. None of us are perfect, but we all have to find a level where we are content within ourselves and have a sense of autonomy,something I have been fighting to achieve for myself after almost a lifetime of fitting in with others. Yet I am self sufficient, independent and have no debts. I have brought up five children and dumped two husbands who were replicas of my parents. Everyone comes to me for help yet are only too ready to judge me.
"Families and how to survive them" a book by Robin Skinner and John Cleese described me perfectly, "the scapegoat". Perhaps you have read it. To shed that label is not easy as everyone rebels against you having your own values and opinions because they cannot get what they want. It is not something that can be changed overnight, it takes determination and belief in oneself.
I am working on it every day and every day brings a new challenge.
Mental Health Professional: Carol Kryder LMFT, Mental Health Professional replied 8 years ago
I can see that I will not be able to be helpful to you. I have opted out and will allow another expert to assist you.
Ask Your Own Mental Health Question
Was this answer helpful?

How JustAnswer works

step-image
Describe your issueThe assistant will guide you
step-image
Chat 1:1 with a mental health professionalLicensed Experts are available 24/7
step-image
100% satisfaction guaranteeGet all the answers you need
Ask Carol Kryder LMFT Your Own Question
Carol Kryder LMFT
Carol Kryder LMFT
Carol Kryder LMFT, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 808
808 Satisfied Customers
Experience: APA Board Certified, Diplomate,Substance Abuse Professional, 20 years family therapy experience

Carol Kryder LMFT is online now

A new question is answered every 9 seconds

How JustAnswer works:

  • Ask an ExpertExperts are full of valuable knowledge and are ready to help with any question. Credentials confirmed by a Fortune 500 verification firm.
  • Get a Professional AnswerVia email, text message, or notification as you wait on our site. Ask follow up questions if you need to.
  • 100% Satisfaction GuaranteeRate the answer you receive.

JustAnswer in the News:

Ask-a-doc Web sites: If you've got a quick question, you can try to get an answer from sites that say they have various specialists on hand to give quick answers... Justanswer.com.
JustAnswer.com...has seen a spike since October in legal questions from readers about layoffs, unemployment and severance.
Web sites like justanswer.com/legal
...leave nothing to chance.
Traffic on JustAnswer rose 14 percent...and had nearly 400,000 page views in 30 days...inquiries related to stress, high blood pressure, drinking and heart pain jumped 33 percent.
Tory Johnson, GMA Workplace Contributor, discusses work-from-home jobs, such as JustAnswer in which verified Experts answer people’s questions.
I will tell you that...the things you have to go through to be an Expert are quite rigorous.

What Customers are Saying:

I can go as far as to say it could have resulted in saving my sons life and our entire family now knows what bipolar is and how to assist and understand my most wonderful son, brother and friend to all who loves him dearly. Thank you very much

Corrie MollPretoria, South Africa

I thank-you so much! It really helped to have this information and confirmation. We will watch her carefully and get her in for the examination and US right away if things do not improve. God bless you as well!

ClaudiaAlbuquerque, NM

Outstanding response time less than 6 minutes. Answered the question professionally and with a great deal of compassion.

KevinBeaverton, OR

Suggested diagnosis was what I hoped and will take this info to my doctor's appointment next week.
I feel better already! Thank you.

ElanorTracy, CA

Thank you to the Physician who answered my question today. The answer was far more informative than what I got from the Physicians I saw in person for my problem.

JulieLockesburg, AR

You have been more help than you know. I seriously don't know what my sisters situation would be today if you had not gone above and beyond just answering my questions.

John and StefanieTucson, AZ

I have been dealing with an extremely serious health crisis for over three years, and one your physicians asked me more questions, gave me more answers and encouragement than a dozen different doctors who have been treating me!!

Janet VPhoenix, AZ

< Previous | Next >

Meet the Experts:

Dr. Keane

Dr. Keane

Therapist

1,379 satisfied customers

Clinical Psychology PhD, Licensed Professional Counselor with experience in marriage/family, teens and child psychology.

TherapistMaryAnn

TherapistMaryAnn

Therapist

4,111 satisfied customers

Over 20 years experience specializing in anxiety, depression, drug and alcohol, and relationship issues.

Dr. Olsen

Dr. Olsen

Psychologist

2,336 satisfied customers

PsyD Psychologist

Norman M.

Norman M.

Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA

2,246 satisfied customers

ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.

Dr. Michael

Dr. Michael

Psychologist

2,177 satisfied customers

Licensed Ph.D. Clinical Health Psychology with 30 years of experience in private practive and as a clinical psychology university professor.

Steven Olsen

Steven Olsen

Therapist

1,728 satisfied customers

More than twenty years of expertise in counseling, psychological diagnosis and education

Anna

Anna

Mental Health Professional

1,656 satisfied customers

Licensed Clinical Social Worker with 29 years in addictions and mental health.

< Previous | Next >

Related Mental Health Questions
How should I deal with a difficult friend who is reluctant
How should I deal with a difficult friend who is reluctant to forgive and lacks forbearance?… read more
Dr. Kaushik
Dr. Kaushik
PSYCHIATRIST ( MD Psychiatry)
Doctoral Degree
205 satisfied customers
Dear Dr. Keane, (live chat) what would you recommend I
Dear Dr. Keane, (live chat) what would you recommend I advise a friend of mine to do to help her cope with a member of her family who suffers from depression. I listen to her and what is going on but … read more
Dr. Keane
Dr. Keane
Therapist
Doctoral Degree
1,379 satisfied customers
HOW CAN I GET A DOCTOR TO CONFIRM THAT I DON'T HAVE POLAR
HOW CAN I GET A DOCTOR TO CONFIRM THAT I DON'T HAVE BI POLAR AND GET A WRITTEN LETTER SAYING THIS AS I HAVE PEOPLE WHO ARE HELPING MY BROTHER AS HE IS THE EXECUTOR OF MY MOTHER'S WILL AND HE WANTS TO … read more
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Adjunct Professor
Master's Degree
1,014 satisfied customers
I think my wife maybe polar and it seems her mood swings
i think my wife maybe bi polar and it seems her mood swings seems to get worst as time goes on. she has accused me of interferring with my son during an row ( ahe know i was abused as a child by an un… read more
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Elliott, LPCC, NCC
Adjunct Professor
Master's Degree
1,014 satisfied customers
Can depression have a bigger effect on people with
can depression have a bigger effect on people with asperger's syndrome than those without? asked by someone who has suffered depression and feels like he has become more autistic as a result.… read more
Dr.G.
Dr.G.
Counseling Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
450 satisfied customers
I still seem to be obsessing about my husband's emotional
I still seem to be obsessing about my husband's emotional affair with my friend, a year ago. I have cut off contact with my friend after my husband and I confirmed we wanted our marriage to survive th… read more
psychlady
psychlady
Clinical Director
Master\u0027s Degree
3,517 satisfied customers
My daughter is 20, she has aspergers, she constantly feels
my daughter is 20, she has aspergers, she constantly feels the need to ask is she getting things right at work and the worst thing is, she is very aware that if she doesnt ask, she doesnt feel right i… read more
BillLCSW
BillLCSW
Psychotherapist, Consultant, Expert Wit.
Master\u0027s Degree
8 satisfied customers
My best friend is suicidal because she haas gender identity
My best friend is suicidal because she haas gender identity disorder. Her parents believe her to be a normal girl with no problems because otherwise, she would be kicked out of the house. She tried te… read more
Norman M.
Norman M.
Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA
Adv Dip Psychotherapy (with Distinc
2,246 satisfied customers
My wife suffers from bipolar 2 she seems to have changed
my wife suffers from bipolar 2 she seems to have changed here attitude and has become self obsessed with herself ie breast operation loosing extreenm weight , she has always said that it is important … read more
psychlady
psychlady
Clinical Director
Master\u0027s Degree
3,517 satisfied customers
I'm in a relationship with a woman who has mild Aspergers.
Hello. I'm in a relationship with a woman who has mild Aspergers. She is 27, a virgin, and has never been in a physical relationship with a man or woman. She allows me to hold her hand, cuddle, and ma… read more
Dr. Mark
Dr. Mark
Doctoral Degree
129 satisfied customers
I have a friend who I speak to on the phone for the past 5
I have a friend who I speak to on the phone for the past 5 years when my relationship with my husband was very bad. She was a source of support. Now my relationship with my husband has improved and sh… read more
TherapistMaryAnn
TherapistMaryAnn
Therapist
Master's Degree
4,111 satisfied customers
Can an teenager with autism imagine that someone has kissed
Can an teenager with autism imagine that someone has kissed him because he wants that person to kiss him?… read more
Kevin Kappler
Kevin Kappler
Clinical Psychologist
Doctoral Degree
353 satisfied customers
My best friend of 10 years and i had a real seriouse talk
hi my best friend of 10 years and i had a real seriouse talk today she told me that i betraideded her. i lisent what she had to say. wen she was finishd i answerd her questions. at the end she saw tha… read more
Dr Rossi
Dr Rossi
Doctoral Degree
1,564 satisfied customers
My friends husband died suddenly two weeks ago. We are
My friends husband died suddenly two weeks ago. We are approaching the funeral and she is, as you would expect, dreading it. She has good support from Matthew's brother and I am in daily contact with … read more
BillLCSW
BillLCSW
Psychotherapist, Consultant, Expert Wit.
Master\u0027s Degree
8 satisfied customers
My daughter has a relationship with a 30yr old man who is a
My daughter has a relationship with a 30yr old man who is a chartered accountant. He is hypersensitive, suspicious, insecure, critical, has unrealistic ideas about life, blaming, unforgiving, insecure… read more
Steven Olsen
Steven Olsen
Therapist
Master's Degree
1,728 satisfied customers
My son is dating a woman that is constantly causing drama in
My son is dating a woman that is constantly causing drama in our families life. She talk constantly and does not let anyone get a word in edgewise. When she drinks she cause problems among our friends… read more
Ms. Pam
Ms. Pam
Psychotherapist
Master's Degree
8 satisfied customers
Am hoping to get a diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome when I
Am hoping to get a diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome when I can. How important are theories about autism like Simon Baron-Cohen's idea about 'autism and the extreme male brain' which implies that empathi… read more
Selah R, M.S. LPC
Selah R, M.S. LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Master\u0027s Degree
519 satisfied customers
She is charming to all, agreeing with every argument....she
she is charming to all, agreeing with every argument....she will not allow her husband to reprimand her 8 year old son, who is very bright and has learned how to manipulate the situation. The boy has … read more
Ralph LMHC
Ralph LMHC
Psychotherapist
Master\u0027s Degree
872 satisfied customers
Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Disclaimer: Information in questions, answers, and other posts on this site ("Posts") comes from individual users, not JustAnswer; JustAnswer is not responsible for Posts. Posts are for general information, are not intended to substitute for informed professional advice (medical, legal, veterinary, financial, etc.), or to establish a professional-client relationship. The site and services are provided "as is" with no warranty or representations by JustAnswer regarding the qualifications of Experts. To see what credentials have been verified by a third-party service, please click on the "Verified" symbol in some Experts' profiles. JustAnswer is not intended or designed for EMERGENCY questions which should be directed immediately by telephone or in-person to qualified professionals.

Show MoreShow Less

Ask Your Question

x