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Our son is in grade six and has lied several times about…

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Our son is in grade...
Our son is in grade six and has lied several times about school work and its completion. We have made him admit his lies to his teacher yet he has again not finished an assignment lied to her about it and then lied when she phoned our home. We are very concerned about what he can be thinking because he is going to get caught and we keep uping the punishment with no effect. What might you suggest
Submitted: 8 years ago.Category: Mental Health
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Answered in 44 minutes by:
6/22/2010
Mental Health Professional: Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist replied 8 years ago
Dr. Rossi
Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4,627
Experience: PsyD, LPC, CHt
Verified

Good Morning,

1/ Do you allow him to earn privileges back (video games, play/free time, etc?)

2/ Is he lying about homework about a specific subject or multiple?

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Customer reply replied 8 years ago

We have taken away the video games for a specific period and have left him the ability to communicate with his friends via MSN on line. We haven't let him earn it back as it was a two week punishment.

He is a very bright child in the second year of full time enrichment program. They are given three high level projects to complete he has struggled with timing on all of them this year, but we have pushed to get things done. He didn't hand in a book report and lied and said they had done it in class and that the teacher had edited so we didn't need to the first time. This last time it was a comparison for social studies on early Egyptian civilization versus Ancient Chinese civilizations. Very minor one page comparison but lied to the teacher said he left it at home. Due to the fact we made him own up to the first time, she assumed he was lying and called us at home. He initially told her my husband was out also a lie, and then when she called again just handed the phone over to him.

He seems to have no sense that he will be caught, no guilt or concern until he cannot weasel out any more. He has had a difficult year with fewer friends at school, some issues with other players on his hockey team. We have allowed him the decision to return to his home school regular program next year and are really worried about this behavior. It seems compulsive.

I have also had issues with lying in my life and ownership of certain behaviour, although never at his age and never about school. I feel tremendous guilt and have probably let him off the hook too easily. We spend considerable funds as he is a AAA Hockey player and we buy him a junior golf membership. Our instinct last night was to remove many of these things and even send him to private school next year. We don't want this pattern to continue.

We have suggested as he dislikes written work and thrives on math that we are going to send him to summer school and he will be given writing projects. If he produces good work we will let him return to the home school.

Mental Health Professional: Selah R, M.S. LPC, Therapist replied 8 years ago
Selah R, M.S. LPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 582
Experience: Licensed Professional Counselor; over 13+ yrs exp working with adults, teens, & families/couples.
Verified
Thank you for trusting JustAnswer with your important question.

I would recommend that you looking into a parenting course/materials. Two that I have seen good results with, which are easy to purchase materials online, are Parenting with Love and Logic (LoveAndLogic.com) and Total Transformation Behavior Modification Program (TheTotalTransformation.com).

It can be extremely difficult to parent a gifted child, because they know how to push your buttons. You want them to do well academically, and many times they don't understand why school is worth the effort because they aren't interested in the subject, or don't see how it is useful "in the real world". A problem often seen in gifted kids is a talent for splitting parents against each other, and not responding to typical punishments. This can cause the parents to over-react/over-punish, which can cause the child to feel like the rules are impossible so why bother. Or, that the consequences are so over the top that the problem is "I have mean parents" instead of "Oops, I did something wrong." Both of these systems help you learn how to create realistic expectations, suitable punishments for infractions, and help motivate your child to keep moving forward.

Best wishes,
Selah
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