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I realy need your help! Im a mother of a six year old girl…

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I realy need your help...
I realy need your help! Im a mother of a six year old girl and my huspand was and is on meth.I found out last year asked for help he wanted and addmided it is stoped for 5 months and now i have found a pipe in his car witch he smokes it and he wont addmit it his trying to make me look stupid and crazy but im not i asked him firt and then i went to show him and he got agresive i realy care about him realy dont know what to do get a divorce? if he leaves he will get worse i know that...He says he goes to work and feeds us that he cares but i realy dont know all men go to work his not the only one so all men have to do drugs? yes i dont work because iv already got other health problems my self..and i come from a devorced family and i didnt realy wont my daughter to grow up withought a father!
Submitted: 8 years ago.Category: Mental Health
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Answered in 1 hour by:
6/19/2010
Mental Health Professional: Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist replied 8 years ago
Dr. Rossi
Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 4,627
Experience: PsyD, LPC, CHt
Verified

Good Evening,

The most likely reason for his relapse is because addiction is a hard thing to break. It can involve psychological as well as physiological addiction to the drug of choice.

If he is willing to seek help, then seeking treatment called Intensive Outpatient Treatment may be the next step. It is a multi level treatment option that takes time about 3-4 days per week for several hours. It may go on for several weeks. Other options would be rehab also referred to as residential treatment.

Many individuals addicted to substances believe that they can manage the problem on their own. The fact remains that he had relapsed and that you would like him to get help and for him to get better.

Call your insurance company and find out your benefits for substance abuse treatment and in network facilities/programs.

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Customer reply replied 8 years ago
i know its hard for him he did get help at x-mas and hs been cleen for 5 months and his started it because of what i found but now he wont addmit it .I told him last time i wont acept it again if he wants to be with me he has to be clean from meth ,if i tell im to leave will it make things worse i dont know its realy hard for me too.
Customer reply replied 8 years ago
i know its hard for him he did get help at x-mas and hs been cleen for 5 months and his started it because of what i found but now he wont addmit it .I told him last time i wont acept it again if he wants to be with me he has to be clean from meth ,if i tell him to leave will it make things worse i dont know its realy hard for me too.Im trying to think about him my girl and me ...IVe got health problems myself dont go to work get help his healthy but wants to take drugs why? I realy dont want to see him like that
Mental Health Professional: Dr. Rossi, Psychotherapist replied 8 years ago

I answered why it may be hard to stop taking drugs in the first reply -

The most likely reason for his relapse is because addiction is a hard thing to break. It can involve psychological as well as physiological addiction to the drug of choice.

It may be helpful to you not to rationalize his behavior but to confront and continue to encourage him to seek help.

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Mental Health Professional: Selah R, M.S. LPC, Therapist replied 8 years ago
Selah R, M.S. LPC
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 582
Experience: Licensed Professional Counselor; over 13+ yrs exp working with adults, teens, & families/couples.
Verified
Thank you for trusting JustAnswer with your important question.

It's frustrating to see someone you love throw their life away with drugs and alcohol. Many people start using substances in order to deal with stress, anxiety, depression, and past bad memories that they don't know how to deal with. The substances work well, they feel better, they use it again and again. But over time it takes more of the substance to get the same effect. They start spending more time, money, and energy getting their next fix. Many are able to hide their problem from friends and family. Many are able to continue to work and a lot of them take this as a sign that "See, I must not have a problem, I'm still normal!" What they don't realize is how it's changed their lives, how it's affected their families, how they've probably lost friends in the process (and probably gained friends who are willing to use the substances with them and help them feel more normal while they are using), and how they've stopped doing things they used to enjoy (like hobbies, being with their family, being able to be peaceful and calm without hurrying to cover something up or worrying about how to sneak off for their next fix).

Relapse is common. Recovery is not a straight line, it's more like a roller coaster. I tell people to focus on the frequency of relapses and the duration of replases as a real indicator of change. If relapses are becoming less frequent, less severe, and last a shorter amount of time, then you're still making progress.

Relapse is very common early on in recovery. Why? Sometimes because they haven't really addressed the issues that made them start using in the first place. They haven't learned how to cope with stress, negative emotions, and past memories in new ways, so they resort to their old ways. They also usually have to give up a lot of friends, hobbies/activities, and even places they used to like to hang out, in order to stay clean and sober. Until they have replaced those "abuse helpers" with "recovery helpers" they can feel isolated, misunderstood, and even less able to cope with life without the substances.

Get support for yourself, such as Al-Anon groups, so you can get support and advice from others dealing with the same issues. Encourage him to get involved with AA or NA so he has support and encouragement from others who fight addiction. Don't take his relapses personally, it's not about you, it's about him. He may try to blame you (your illnesses, that he has to work, etc) but it's still HIS baggage and HIS choices that is leading him to be an addict. And meth is one of the most difficult of all the substances to stop abusing because it's effects on the brain are so strong, it's easy to attain, and it's cheap. But mostly because users get such a great feeling while they use it that they keep coming back for more, no matter what it dose to the rest of their lives.

You may have to create firm boundaries, such as he's not allowed in the house when he's high. You may have to seek a separation if he refuses to stay in treatment and pass random drug tests. You may even have to consider a divorce if he becomes dangerous to you or your child.

Right now focus on convincing him that he needs help, that he can't do this alone, and that he can learn how to have a life without meth. Help him find an AA or NA group to attend. Help find a counselor or drug treatment center that specializes in treating meth addiction. He will need all the support he can find. Just know that it may take time for him to be ready and willing to go back into treatment. Until then, get yourself support and start learning how to live your life despite your husband's addiction.

Best wishes,
Selah
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Customer reply replied 8 years ago
I took himat x-mas for help when he wanted to go himself but know he wont addmit it its hard on me to tell him to leave because he will get worse and i do care and love him,but i did tell him if i find out his using it again he can forget me because he said he cares about the family..does he though it dosnt lok like it because i realy stood by him what else can i do ? im realy tiyerd of all this...
Mental Health Professional: Selah R, M.S. LPC, Therapist replied 8 years ago
He probably does love you and the family, and probably does not want to hurt you guys in any way. Unfortunately, meth gives users a very high, euphoric, happy feeling. It's hard to walk away from something that feels that good. But the worst part is the more you use meth, the less the brain is able to feel happy naturally because the body's normal pain relievers and mood lifters are no longer strong enough to stimulate this part of the brain again. That is why recovery from meth is so much more difficult than most of the other substances being abuse. They can't find a replacement for this high, they can't get their brain to feel good about normal events that feel good in life. It's like they have chemically changed their brain in such a way that they are now in a numb or depressed mood and they can't figure out a way to get out of it.

If he won't admit that the pipe was his, then leave it alone and wait for the next sign that tells you he's using again. There is a small chance that the pipe was someone else's, but that he's afraid to admit he was hanging about users again. Small, but not impossible. It's also possible that he used, but is no longer using, so he things the issue is pointless because he's already stopped it.

Until he is ready for more treatment, you need to get yourself into a support group where you can talk with other wives and see how they are dealing with this stress. Don't get overwhelmed with the big picture right now of what the future looks like, will our marriage last, will he stay clean. This is when you take it a day at a time. Do I have symptoms/signs that he's using today? Do I have signs/symptoms/beliefs that he's clean today? Are there things he's doing well/right today that I can give him positive feedback on or thank him for? Is there something I need to do today to take care of my own health and wellbeing? Is there something I can do today to be a better parent? Are there things I've done well today that I need to thank myself for? Worry about tomorrow when it gets here.

Here is a website for finding an Al-Anon meeting in your area for you to have more tools and more support through this process:
http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html

Selah
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