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I have a serius relationship with a man(30) for 3 years. I…

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I have a serius relationship...
I have a serius relationship with a young man(30) for 3 years. I love him and he love me but we don't have sex often and this it's affecting my self-esteem. I consider myself a pretty woman, young and intelligent; but I can't do anything to excite my boyfriend. always we have sex when he wants and recently he can't hold a ereccion for more than 10 mins. what can I do? I know that this is not normal but I try to understand him now because he his between jobs but this problem is since 2 years ago. his answer to this problem is I don't have an explanation.
thanks,
worried women
Submitted: 8 years ago.Category: Mental Health
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Answered in 2 hours by:
6/18/2010
Mental Health Professional: Wendy M, Mental Health Professional replied 8 years ago
Wendy M
Wendy M, Mental Health Professional
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 123
Experience: Over 16 years in chemical dependency and the mental health field.
Verified
Hello,

Welcome to Just Answer.

Having a boyfriend with a sexual desire problem, can definitely hurt your self esteem. Although, it does not sound like he does not care or love you, but more of a physical and/or emotional issue, that he cannot get through, to help improve your sex life. I can imagine that the reason he does not want to speak about it, as it probably affects his own masculinity. But, in all actuality, low libido and erectile dysfunction, affects about 20 to 30 percent of the male population.

I wanted to give you some things that can have an affect on loss of libido. The list is long, but is something to go through, in looking at not only your relationship with him, but also to rule out any medical causes as well.

Some of the medical reasons, could be a low testosterone level. This could be easily checked, by his doctor. If the testosterone levels are low, they can actually provide him with testosterone, to help with the lack of libido. Other physical issues are lack of sleep, diabetes, cardiovascular disease, neurological disorders, chronic pain, anemia, high blood pressure, etc. So, it would be my first suggestion, to have him go to the doctors, to rule out anything that could be biologically going wrong, so that the doctor can treat the underlying medical problem, which in turn, would affect his libido.

Other things that can happen, are mostly on the emotional level. Things like conflicts in the relationship, stress, depression, working long hours, and anger, could have an affect on his libido as well. For this, it would be recommended, that he start counseling, to work on some of the emotional causes that may be affecting his ability to perform.

Finally, I would also recommend counseling for you as well. Being in a relationship with a man, with low libido, can definitely affect your self esteem. It is important to know, that if his problems are medical or emotional, that it has nothing to do with your looks, how lovable you are and how attracted he is towards you. But, this problem can affect relationships and have led to breakups and even divorce. So, it would be important for you to go, to be able to speak about your feelings, about his inability to perform and how it affects you not only emotionally, but how it affects your relationship with him.

I do hope that this helps, and if you need any further assistance with this question, please let me know. I'd be happy to help.

Take care,
Wendy
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