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My partner was widowed seven years ago. He has had various…

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My partner was widowed seven...
My partner was widowed seven years ago. He has had various relationships during the last years. We have been together now for six months and he says he is quite serious about us continuing with a long term relationship. He is very caring and a very intelligent person however very often during conversations he will repeatedly tell me of how his wife liked this and how she did that and bring her into the conversation. Initially I felt that this was normal but as the months go by he continues to make reference to her likes compered to mine. I do not understand the reason for this and should like to know whether I should just accept it. I have on occasions started to make reference to my ex husband - but this is not how I would normally behave. Can you shed some light on his reasons. Thank you - Barbara
Submitted: 8 years ago.Category: Mental Health
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Answered in 3 hours by:
6/13/2010
Mental Health Professional: Tamara, Counselor & Psychotherapist replied 8 years ago
Tamara
Tamara, Counselor & Psychotherapist
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 1,073
Experience: 20+ yrs Private Practice; Cert. Master Therapist; National Board Certified; APA Board Certified
Verified
Hi. Welcome to JustAnswer. I'm pleased to try to help you today.

I"m sorry to hear that you are having this issue in your relationship. Losing a spouse to death is very different to losing a spouse through divorce, and I have often heard this exact same complaint in my practice. It is a sensitive issue and can be difficult to deal with. I would suggest you talk with your partner and tell him that, although you can understand him comparing you to his wife, it is uncomfortable for you and that you are not sure what to make of it. The problem is that typically one tends to idealize a spouse lost through death, and it is therefore hard not to make references to them when starting a new relationship. That doesn't mean, however, that it is something you need to hear all the time, as you are trying to start a relationship with this man. So while his behavior is fairly normal for a widower, it is hard on a new relationship and should really be talked about so it doesn't become a bigger problem. Best wishes, and please let me know if I can answer any further questions. Tamara
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