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Im asking it not for myself but for my girlfriend.Im from…

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Im asking it not for...
Im asking it not for myself but for my girlfriend.Im from India.Ive girl friend.She is very good,innocent in nature.Her father who was closest to her died a year back.I got into contact with her via internet & started calling her and gradually became close toher.After her father died calls & my closeness increased to her.As she needed lot of emotional support.In her home her brother and mother are dependent on her almost everything emotionally and decision making and all.I can.These all are done via calls, as I am outside my country for job.Last year December she got job in other location away from home,So she started to have more calls from me as she was alone.I love her, but it was more of a parently care,with feeling to protect her.Gradually she is very dependent on me and she loves me a lot.Cant stay without hearing me,but problem is I cant marry her as my parents dont agree,but she is not able to absorb this & is in a big shock not even going outside her room now,PLss help!!!!
Submitted: 8 years ago.Category: Mental Health
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Answered in 3 hours by:
6/12/2010
Mental Health Professional: Norman M., Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA replied 8 years ago
Norman M.
Norman M., Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA
Category: Mental Health
Satisfied Customers: 2,568
Experience: ADHP(NC), DEHP(NC), ECP, UKCP Registered.
Verified
Honesty. Just tell her the truth. I know you are of a different culture, but what is more important your parents wishes , or the woman you love?
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Customer reply replied 8 years ago
I told her truth.But she is not able to accept it.Her reaction was shocking,,she called me for two days continueslly always crying and sometimes telling me that she wants to go to her father.Her behaviour pattern changes from fear,anxiety to suddenly aggresive and self destruction.She doent care of anybody , talks roughly to her mother and makes her cry. .She for two days did not venture out of her room,didnt even put on light.Did not drink or had food.It was really alarming,Advice I want to is how can I take her back to this acceptance and atleast to the point that she can take care of herself, and she can listen to what her mother says to her.I want to know what therapy or treatment is there that would help her in this state? Andhow to folow it? Can you please advice me on that?
Mental Health Professional: Norman M., Principal psychotherapist in private practice. Newspaper contributor, over 2000 satisfied clients on JA replied 8 years ago

The best thing you can do is get her parents to take her to a doctor. She will need some anti-depressant medication. In addition, I’m going to suggest that you would benefit greatly from a course of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It is a form of therapy that addresses problems in a direct and targeted way and is brief compared with most other therapies.

CBT is based on the fact that what we think in any given situation generates beliefs about, and reactions to that situation, and also cause the behaviour and feelings which flow from those beliefs and reactions.

These ‘automatic thoughts’ are so fast that generally, we are unaware that we have even had them. We call them ANTS (automatic negative thoughts) for short.

If the pattern of thinking we use, or our beliefs about our situation are even slightly distorted,

the resulting emotions and actions that flow from them can be extremely negative and unhelpful. The object of CBT is to identify these ‘automatic thoughts’ then to re-adjust our thoughts and beliefs so that they are entirely realistic and correspond to the realities of our lives, and that therefore, the resulting emotions, feelings and actions we have will be more useful and helpful.

Cognitive therapists do not usually interpret or seek for unconscious motivations but bring cognitions and beliefs into the current focus of attention and through guided discovery encourage clients to gently re-evaluate their thinking.

Therapy is not seen as something “done to” the client. CBT is not about trying to prove a client wrong and the therapist right, or getting into unhelpful debates. Through collaboration, questioning and re-evaluating their views, clients come to see for themselves that there are alternatives and that they can change.

Clients try things out in between therapy sessions, putting what has been learned into practice, learning how therapy translates into real life improvement.

Please visit this website for much more detailed information on CBT:

http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinfoforall/treatments/cbt.aspx

If you cannot afford to see a therapist, there are good free CBT based self-help resources here:

http://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/cbtstep1.htm

Finally, try to remember that as an adult, she is responsible for her own behaviour – and unless you have led her to believe that you two had a future together, you are entirely blameless in this situation.

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